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I watch as Luna goes to bathe and dress Charlotte, wondering how she is so good at that. She was an only child and spent all her time with Audrey. I never imagined either of them with kids. Audrey wanted kids. Luna, however, has a hard time keeping a cactus alive—she’s not what you’d call nurturing. She forgets to feed herself, and more often than not, lives off black coffee alone.
I put my hand on the glass, ignoring the ‘don’t touch the glass’ sticker next to me, wishing I could go in there and hold my little niece. Luna puts her in the crib and waves at me to go back to the door. I stand watching the wiggling baby for a second longer then leave to meet her.
“Sorry, they won’t let you in. But they will bring her to Audrey soon to feed then you can steal an uncle hug.” Luna is beaming. Her excitement and happiness can be felt. She really is Audrey’s best friend, and as looney as she is, she is good at that.
“It’s fine,” I say. It’s not fine, but I cannot say I am jealous of her. “I understand why they have rules.” I walk next to her, back to Audrey’s room.
“It’s for kidnapping,” Luna says. I was thinking germs, but okay. “They have to be careful that babies don’t get stolen from the nursery. It’s happened, and swapping, there’s all sorts of reasons they’re so strict. I warned Audrey…that’s why we had a home birth planned. But that lucky Penny wasn’t waiting for our plans. At home, no one can tell you who is allowed to see the baby. Mom gets to decide for herself.”
I am glad they’re in the hospital, with doctors and nurses, even if it is slightly prison-like with its rules. It is safer for both of them. I get sidetracked by thoughts of safety and wondering about the security Audrey has at her new house—I will send someone to make sure she has enough.
“Isn’t she the best?” my sister asks me. I sit down in the hard chair beside her bed. “I can’t believe I made that!” She’s happy. My sweet sister finally has everything she wants. That scares me because I am left in the dust. I have everything I need, but I haven’t felt the happiness I see in her eyes.
“You made a perfect little human,” I say to her, wondering what the hell I am going to do until she comes back to work. I don’t even want to leave the hospital. Being away from my sister is harder than I expected. We all know that eventually, our family will have their own lives. I’m just not ready for it the way she is.
Luna steps out to answer her phone, and my sister and I are alone. She turns to me and asks, “Are you okay? I am sorry it all happened so fast. I will make sure everything is sorted. You don’t need to worry.” I am worried, but I won’t tell her that.
“It’s fine. You couldn’t predict this one. I’ll manage. You just focus on you and Charlotte.”
Luna comes in and says to Audrey, “I’ll be back. I just have something to sort out quickly. Is that okay? Are you alright on your own?”
Audrey rolls her eyes and replies, “Spencer is here, and I am an adult, I promise I am okay. I signed up to be a single mom, remember.” Luna nods and ducks out of the room right as they bring Charlotte in. “Is it feeding time already?” My sister checks her watch and sits up, pushing pillows behind her back. The nurse hands her the baby and a bottle. “I swear to God if you tell Luna I am using a bottle, I will kill you.” She threatens me.
“I try not to talk to Luna, so you’re fine.” My sister laughs.
“She thinks breast is best, but I can’t do it. The thought alone grosses me out and I am just too selfish to even try. Happy mom, happy baby, so this makes me happy.” Of course, Luna wanted her to do all the natural things—she’s mad like that. But Audrey has to do this her way. She is doing it alone. Her instincts are what she will follow, not unsolicited advice from her hippie vegan friend.
“It’s your choice, your baby, your boobs.” I shrug, surely each woman knows what is best for them. “I can’t comment. I have no baby, no boobs and no knowledge to make an educated argument.” Audrey laughs. Charlotte is in her arms, wolfing down the bottle. It’s as if it has always been this way. I see now that my sister knew exactly what she was doing when she decided to have a child on her own.
“Want to hold her?” she asks once the baby is fed and burped, and her tiny diaper changed. I’m hesitant. She is so small and soft. I might break her. “She won’t break, Spencer.” My sister pushes her baby towards me, and I carefully place her, so her floppy neck is supported on my arm. Her tiny yawn is so sweet. I can’t take my eyes off her.
I sit with her in my arms for ages while Audrey dozes in and out. When Luna returns, she slips in quietly. She looks at us with a smile on her face and sits down on the opposite side of the bed.
“I will get to the rest of the work things once I leave her later on. Is that okay?” she asks, and I wonder where exactly she just went. I didn’t think she’d leave Audrey for a second after the baby arrived.
“You do not have to work for me, Luna. I appreciate you trying to help, but I will manage.” I will have to. It was a terrible idea anyway.
“I have already started, and Audrey made me sign a contract, so unless you want to fire me, I am employed.” She snickers, of course, my sister did all that. This is a fucking nightmare. Firing someone is not easy. I can’t exactly say she’s a lunatic, I will be the asshole then. “She gave me a list, the phone, and the keys. I have a handle on most of it for you, and the blue file is on your desk now.” I breathe in and out, curtailing my need to freak the fuck out.
“Thank you,” I say through gritted teeth. Once Audrey is home, I will find a way to defuse this situation. For now, I will have to just deal with Luna. “I am going to go. Will you take Charlotte?” I need to get out of here. Suddenly I am overwhelmed with the reality of it all.
“Sure.” She takes the tiny little girl from me. “I will hit the ground running tomorrow,” she says, looking at the baby, not me.
“It’s fine, Luna. If she needs you, I’ll be okay.” Luna laughs at me.
“Spencer, you don’t even know how your coffee machine works. You are not okay. I’ll be there.” I want to say, please don’t be there, but Audrey’s eyes flutter open, and I won’t upset her now.
“See you later, sis.” I kiss her cheek and hightail it out of the building to my waiting car. The whole time it feels like reality is chasing me and I cannot run away fast enough. This is it now—my sister is a mom, and I am no longer the number one priority in her life. Fuck.
SIX
LUNA
I go over the to-do list a few times in the hospital with Audrey. I want to prove her jackass brother wrong. I can do this, and I can do it just as well as she did.
“You can go, Luna. I am sure you’re exhausted,” Audrey says, catching me mid-yawn. I am tired, the adrenalin has worn off, and my body is crashing. Even though I don’t want to leave her here alone, I need to get some sleep before I start work tomorrow morning.
“Are you sure? I can stay if you want me to.” Audrey shakes her head.
