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“And so you should, but something troubles you about the loss.”
He should have realized that spending time with Bliss would leave open the possibility of her seeing and sensing things about him. He could choose not to discuss certain things with her, and he knew she would respect his choice. Yet she talked openly with him, so shouldn’t he do the same with her?
He thought on it a moment more and felt the old pain begin to surface. Memories could tear at the heart. He supposed that was why he had worked so hard to keep them locked away. He hadn’t wanted to ever feel that horrific pain again.
She reached out and rested her hand over his where it lay on his thigh. “If you prefer not to discuss it ...”
Though her touch was light, it felt warm and comforting, and, oddly enough, the painful memories began to subside. And he suddenly felt the intense urge to tell her, share the memory in hope of finally laying it to rest.
“Leora and a couple of the women in the village would forage the woods for roots and plants for Etty, our cook. She loved the woods and would often go off on her own though I preferred she didn’t. But she had always insisted there was nothing to worry about. She was on MacAlpin land and safe.”
Trey slipped his hand from beneath hers and laced their fingers together. He felt the need to hold on to her. “One day, two of the women came screaming back to the village that a marauding band of warriors had attacked them, felled the other women, and was headed our way.”
He stopped a moment, the day suddenly vivid in his mind and the pain rising up to choke him. He cleared his throat and continued. “Reeve and I and several warriors rode out immediately, while Duncan and Bryce remained behind to defend the keep in case it was an attack. I spotted Leora on the ground; blood covered her garments and splattered across her face. I knew she was dead and was just about to reach her when the marauding band emerged from the surrounding woods. We fought, but they were too many. We had to pull back and return to the keep. It was hours before the battle ended, many of the marauders dead, while others ran off.”
He turned to stare at the flames and to find the strength to continue. He had never discussed this part with anyone though it had haunted him all this time.
“Once it was over, Reeve, my brothers, and several of our warriors rode with me so that I could get Leora’s body and give her a proper burial. When we got there, her body was gone.” He swallowed hard. “We found animal tracks and parts of her bloody garments, but we could not find her body.”
He turned silent and continued to stare at the flames. “Her death was bad enough, but not being able to bury her?” He shook his head. “I should never have left her. I should have protected her even in death.”
Bliss squeezed his hand. “You did what you could.”
He shook his head again. “Nay, I should have done more or died trying.”
“She would not have wanted that.”
He turned angry eyes on her. “The other women survived, and each one of them told me how she screamed my name, screamed for me to help her.”
“I’m sorry for your pain, but it is imperative that you let it go.”
“How?” he asked, though to his ears he sounded as if he begged.
“Open your heart. Let it heal and forgive yourself for something fate has decreed.”
“Fate plays foolish games,” he said angrily.
“At times necessary ones, though more often than not, we do not learn that until later.”
“What happened to Leora was not necessary.”
“Someday you may think otherwise,” she said.
“Never,” he spat. “Fate is cruel, and I will never forgive her for this.”
“Be careful; you may regret those words,” she warned softly.
“I regret not having been there for the woman I love, but that will never happen again,” he said adamantly, not wanting to discuss it any longer. “Time to sleep. We start early tomorrow. And we sleep beside each other to stay warm.”
Trey was glad Bliss didn’t object. He needed to wrap himself around her tonight and keep her snug in his embrace. He wanted to crush her up against him, feel the heat of her body mingle with his, feel every breath she took and know she was safe in his arms.
Bliss lay content, pressed against Trey. She understood his need to keep her close and her own need to be close to him. She had felt his pain as strongly as if it had been her own. She had seen through his eyes the whole horrid scene and had felt the swell of guilt that rose to strangle his heart and turn it away from love.
As much as she wished to heal his pain, she knew she couldn’t. He was the only one capable of healing his hurt, and, until he understood that, he would suffer.
“You sleep?” he whispered near her ear.
“Nay, not yet.”
