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Music had always been the only way I could really express myself, and the music I played that night was filled with all the sorrow and heartache that had consumed my life for the last few years.
I stood in the tall grass and played my heart out. I played for hours, as the moon moved across the sky. Sometimes tears would run down my face, but I didn’t bother to wipe them away. When I finally reached the point when I could play no more, I let my arms fall to my sides, gripping the violin in one hand and the bow in the other.
“I can’t do this anymore.” I said aloud. “Please,” I begged, searching the night sky. “I need this to be over. I need-” I broke off, not knowing what to say.
I don’t know how long I continued to stand there, searching the sky for answers. Eventually, I put mom’s violin in its case and walked back to the house.
I slept late the next day. When I finally came down to the kitchen Allie was at the table with her laptop out in front of her.
“Good morning sunshine,” she said, raising her eyebrows at me.
I looked at the clock on the stove. It was eleven.
“Morning,” I mumbled, shuffling across the room to the coffeepot. I grabbed a mug out of the cupboard and poured myself a cup, adding a substantial amount of creamer, then leaned back against the counter and took a long sip. I was physically and emotionally drained from my late night concert under the stars.
“So I’ve been thinking about this all night,” Allie said, closing her laptop. “If you move back here foroneyear-” She saw the look on my face and held up a hand. “Hear me out, okay?”
I groaned and sat down.
“If you move back here foroneyear, we could combine our incomes to help get us caught up on the mortgage. Then I can refinance the house in my name alone, and you could go to Juilliard!”
“Juilliard?” I repeated, stunned.
“Yeah.” She nodded. “You could-”
“I’m not going to Juilliard.” I set my coffee mug down on the table.
“But you have your scholarship, so-”
“That was years ago, Allie,” I said incredulously. “It wasn’t an open-ended, lifetime offer.” I was getting angry now.Why did she have to bring up Juilliard?“Do you think they've been saving a spot for me all this time? Besides, I’m too old now.”
“I followed you outside last night,” she said, her voice softening. “I listened for a little while. You sounded like mom.”
I stood up angrily. “I signed the papers. I suggest you do the same.”
I took mom’s violin with me when I left. Allie stared at it when I came out of the house, but she didn’t say a word. We rode to the bus station in silence, but when I opened the door to get out of the car, she finally spoke.
“I love you Sarah.”
I looked at her. “I love you too Allie.” I swallowed at the lump in my throat. “I’m sorry that I can’t be the person you need me to be. It's just too hard. Sometimes I think I’m as bad as dad.”
“It's okay,” she said, touching my arm. “It’s just a house right? It's just a building. I’ll be fine.” She smiled at me reassuringly.
She was just like mom. So selfless. I should stay. I should move back home and find some way to save the damn house. Instead, I got out of the car, not knowing that it was the last time I’d see her.
Chapter 5
ItwasdarkwhenI got off the bus, so I took a cab to my apartment. I paid the driver and made sure I had my mace in hand before I rushed up the steps to get inside. I was terrified that my attacker might be lurking around.
Once inside, I ran upstairs, taking the steps two-by-two. The lights were out on the third floor landing, and I panicked as I raced through the darkness. I almost sobbed with relief when I approached the fourth floor and saw the lights were all on. I dug my keys out of my pocket as I hurried down the hall.
When I got to my door, I unlocked and pushed it open, relieved to have made it safely home. I stepped into my apartment and was suddenly slammed from behind.
I didn’t even have time to cry out. My assailant grabbed me from behind, one arm tight around my ribcage, pulling me back against him. His other hand was clamped tight over my mouth, silencing me. I tried to struggle, but he was too strong. I kicked my feet back into his legs, but it didn't phase him. I tried to bite his hand, but he tightened his grip on my face and yanked my head to the side. I felt a searing pain on the side of my neck, and then my world went dark.
I woke to the phone ringing. I felt a moment's confusion, not knowing where I was, and then the pain hit me. It felt like a thousand knives stabbing me all over my body. I wanted to scream from the agony of it, but I was paralyzed. So I just lay there, praying for the feeling to pass. My phone stopped ringing and for a moment I felt the tiniest relief. Then it rang again, the sound like a hammer to my head.
A coldness swept over me and I began to shake uncontrollably. The shaking intensified the pain, and a whimper escaped me. Tears rolled from the corner of my eyes down into my hair. The phone stopped ringing, but this time the pain did not subside.
