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I cursed under my breath. "It can't be the hurricane. That's not supposed to land yet. And we can't let Hunter get an opportunity to escape."
Getting up from the chair, I strode to Leia's room and knocked on the door. She didn't answer at first, but when she finally opened the door, my heart broke harder than it already had.
"Leia," I said, keeping my face steady. "I have failed you. I have done absolutely nothing to show you how much I love you. Hell, I haven't even managed to say the words until right now.
“And I don't deserve you. I'm not going to say any more because I don't want my words to influence what you think about me.
“But I have to go out for something, and if—only if—it is okay with you, I want you to stay with Auntie Juniper until we're back. Can you do that for me? Please?"
I could almost hear Miguel breathing behind me. The force of what I'd just said made me dizzy.
PTSD didn't feel like a ghost any longer. It felt like a real, touchable face that I'd just spoken to. It felt like an old friend, someone who'd shared almost an entire decade with me.
But it was a friend that had stopped serving me a long time ago.
I felt my eyes burn with what could have been regret or tears. Either way, it didn't matter. Here, standing in front of my daughter who looked like she'd been shocked out of her ability to form words, I knew only one truth.
I'd been given very few people to love. And I had unconsciously pushed all of them away. Maybe it was because I had this inherent feeling that I'd bring them nothing but pain. But I'd hurt them more with what I'd chosen to do.
And they'd still showed up. Leia, Juniper, my boys—none of them had left me or pushed me off the deep end.
And I saw that now. Now, when it was probably too late.
"I don't want you and Juniper to break up," Leia blurted out.
I blinked at her. "What?"
"I know you two are dating."
As quickly as the anxiety had come, it dissipated. She wasn't old enough to know about our situation with Juniper.
I smiled at her faintly. "I don't want to break up with her either, Leia. And I promise I'm going to do everything I can to show her I... that I..."
My words broke and scattered like waves on a turbulent sea. I stopped talking altogether.
Leia reached out and touched my hand. "I'll talk to her, Dad."
Dad.
She called meDad.
My fucking heart was breaking and bursting. And I knew I was crying then, fat tears rolling unashamedly down my face. I wanted...
"Leia," I said, reaching out to hold her hand. "I'm so sorry. I'm sorry about everything I did wrong. And I promise, I'm going to spend every day of my life trying to be a better parent to you."
She didn't flinch or take her hand away. She simply stood there with her big blue eyes boring into mine. When she spoke, her words were my redemption.
"I know you will."
Asher coughed from the back. "Skipper, we're ready."
I nodded, rubbing my face on the back of my sleeve. "Cool, give me a minute. Leia, come on."
The lane between my place and Juniper's usually took me five breaths in and out. Today, it felt like I was crossing a country.
I knocked on her door, part of me thinking she wouldn't answer. But she did. She opened it and looked at me with a lot of things in her eyes, things I wanted to unravel. Things I could spend a whole life detangling.
"Juniper." I paused, trying to gather my thoughts. "I... the boys and I have to go somewhere. Can you please watch Leia for me? We need to go a little far, and I—"
