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I balled my free hand into a fist. Ellie just knew how to rile me up.
"Don't go there. I told you I could take her, El. You were the one who wanted to be the bigger person."
"And I was, but now I'm sick of it."
There were very few people who could bring out the absolute darned worst in me, and her name was on top of that bloody list.
"Sick of being a mother?"
"Fine. I'm tired of cleaning up after you, Reed. She's your kid, and you literally see her once in a blue moon. How is that fair for her?"
"It's not, but we're not talking about what's fair for Leia, not when you turned me out the last two times I tried to go see her. What's your deal?"
Ellie hesitated. Then, her reply came out in a jumbled mess.
"I'm tired. I'm not cut out for this mom shit, and I deserve to have some fun. I got years ahead of me, and you and her, you took the best ones."
Low blow, even for her. My knuckles went white with rage.
"Are you seriously blaming our kid because you're not getting to enjoy life?"
"I sure am. And it was fine when you weren't here. You had a pretty dandy excuse. But you're back now and in the same town. You do what you can with her. I'm done."
"You're done?" I sputtered. "Ellie, what the hell? What is that even supposed to mean?"
"It means I'm gettin' on a plane, and I'm cruisin' through Asia for the next couple months. I don' know when I'll be back."
There was no winning here. I finally exhaled. "Who's the man?"
A pregnant pause later, she let out a noise that sounded like a shrill fire alarm.
"That's none of your fucking business."
And then, she ended the call.
Great. So, Leia was ... well, she was gonna be here for the foreseeable future.
I found her sitting in the living room, her hands crossed as she regarded the landscape from our window.
How did these conversations happen? How could I even begin to tell her I was sorry and that I'd spend the rest of my life trying to get her to forgive me if she'd let me?
I cleared my throat, and she turned her blazing amber eyes at me. Even up close, I was astonished by how fast my little girl had grown.
She was budding into a full-blown little woman now.
Her hair was longer, her face angular and more prominent.
I felt a surge of something primal rise in me—a dire need to keep her safe from everything, even her mother if it came to that. But that wasn't fair.
I didn't get to jump to that stage when I needed to cross so many other missed or messed up hurdles first.
"So," I said, feigning cheerfulness, "your mama is gonna be a bit busy for a while."
She continued staring at me with that "fuck you, I hate you" look in her irises. "I know she's gone for a lot longer than that. It's all because of that new hippie she's dating."
Ah. That made a lot more sense.
Good to see at least one of us was enjoying life.
