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It was as if authors had the power to take a real human and leave them in my front parlor after locking me inside my own house. I could not get out or help her. All I could do was see her crumble.
"I'm surprised you've read it, to be honest. I couldn't even muster the courage to do that until I was nineteen."
She looked back at me, a faint smile on her lips. "I read Jane Eyre when I was eleven. Books are all I've ever had."
I went and sat down on the bed and patted the soft sheet. She joined me. Both of us faced forward, our feet dangling mid-air.
"So,Veeda,eh?"
She sighed. "I should have done a better job of hiding that."
"When did it begin?"
"Two days ago."
"And? What did it make you feel?"
She gave a half-hearted shrug. Her head hung low, and she stared at the carpet underneath us like it was an exhibit at a science fair. "I don't know. It's like I had a truckload of problems to begin with, and life's just decided to amp up the party by adding one more."
That made me emit a wry chuckle. "Sounds about right—as good of a welcome to womanhood as any. But then again, I think it's stupid the way people keep saying you become a woman with your first period.
"Don't you feel that happens the second we realize we're the ones who need to watch everything?
"What we say, how we dress, who we hang out with—there are labels everywhere, and it's like playing a game of making sure you earn the best ones."
She gave me a once-over with her blue eyes. I had to take a quick breath. From some angles, Leia was the spitting image of her dad.
"You have no idea how hard I agree with that," she muttered, fidgeting with her fingernails. "I'm not even thirteen, and I'm already exhausted. Like, can I get a day off from all of it?"
I let out a weary breath. "You can't get a break, but you can learn to enjoy getting to grow up, Leia.
"Trust me, it catches up on you, and suddenly, you're thirty and wondering why you didn't do more of the stupid stuff when you were thirteen.
"You miss the moments you never got to experience, like going crazy over spun sugar and the State Fair and strawberry season. You keep collecting the bad stuff instead, and it becomes a hobby, like a suitcase of baggage that you really don't need.
"So, Leia, I guess it all boils down to a question—do you want to enjoy life or simply go through it?"
Leia's sweet face looked like she was studying something really hard. Then, like sunrise, a slow smile came to her mouth. "I want to enjoy it, Juniper."
"Then we get some pads and tampons, and we also stock up on lots of hot chocolate and cocoa. Your body's actually doing good stuff when this bloodbath is happening, although right now, it could feel like you're starring in a season ofGame of Thrones, which, by the way, we'll watch the day you turn eighteen."
"Do you promise that?"
"Hmm?" I regarded the new light in her eyes. "Promise what, honey?"
"To stick around when I'm eighteen?"
Oh, my heart. My damned heart.
I knew it then. I could never hurt this girl. She meant the sun to me, not the sun in the heart of a southern summer, beating down relentlessly. No.
She was the rare sun in the cold dark of a long winter, breaking through a spell of lonely days and lonelier nights. My love for children was as perennial as magnolia blossoms in spring, but Leia—what I felt for her transcended love.
It was more primal, more survivalist.
I would walk through a fire to make sure she wore the same hopeful smile that was on her lips right now.
"I promise," I whispered. "I'm going to be here, no matter what."
