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“I have to go.”
“This pack needs a luna,” he said, fingers twitching to brush against mine. “We’ve all been waiting four years for you—and not just the guys. My entire pack has been waiting for you to lead with me, with us. And I can’t do it myself anymore.”
“My dad might be able to help you,” I said. “We need to find him.”
“I can’t do it, Sina,” he said, voice actually breaking. He shut his eyes, a single tear falling down his cheek that he couldn’t even wipe away. “I can’t fucking do it again. I can’t lose you. What if … what if you don’t come back?” The more he talked, the quieter his voice became until I couldn’t even hear it anymore.
“I’m going to come back to you,” I whispered.
“In front of the guys, I try to be tough. I take all the pain, all the heartache, act like a fucking alpha should. But as cliché as it fucking sounds, I’m fucking breaking on the inside. Fuck, I’m already broken. I can’t even move anymore.”
“You’re not broken, Calder.” I pushed more hair out of his face. “And even if you were, I’d love you. I’m never going to leave you like I did.”
“Stay with me,” he pleaded. “Let Thayer and Gaian go alone. They can handle themselves, but if your father decides to attack our pack while you’re gone with all his Paragonian warriors, Darius won’t be able to defend us alone. We’ll be eliminated. Dead.”
My stomach twisted, my heart fucking clenching.
As much as I wanted to find my father, Calder had a point. What if I came home and Calder and Darius—I bit back a sob—were gone? I was doing this for them too. I needed to find my father, so we all survived.
While I wanted to stick up for myself and tell Calder that I would find my father myself, I didn’t have it in me to break his heart. He might’ve been an asshole to me, but he had been carrying all this weight on his shoulders for so many years.
I wasn’t sure if the others really understood how much this affected him, how strong he was being for them and for me. All this time, I’d chalked this up to him being an annoying alpha-hole, but I was wrong. So wrong.
“Okay,” I whispered. “I’ll stay with you.”
80
the tortured land
thayer
“Don’t worry, Pretty Bird,”I said the next evening, peering back at Jaroth, who lay on the ground behind me.
His arm and leg were chained together behind his back, so he couldn’t move. Not that he’d actually be able to anyway with the dosage of that shit Sina had given him yesterday. Since Sina had decided to stay back with Calder and Darius, I’d decided that we needed a thirdgood friendto bring along on our journey. Cue Jaroth.
“He’s in good hands.”
“Let me fucking go,” Jaroth said between gritted teeth. “Now!”
I chuckled at his pathetic pleas and turned back to Sina.
Gaian wrapped his arms around her smaller body and pulled her into a tight hug, squeezing her until her breasts were pressed flush against his chest and her eyeballs jutted out. She gently hugged him back.
“I’m going to miss you,” Gaian said to her, sucking in a deep breath of her scent. “We’ll be back as soon as we can. It should only be a few days’ trip. And when we return, your father will be with us.”
“Don’t be making any promises.” I looked at Sina once Gaian finally pulled away from her. We both knew that I wasn’t a hugger, so I grabbed her by her throat and yanked her toward me, placing my lips millimeters from hers. “We’ll try our best to find your father.”
She smiled against me, her soft yet sharp breath making my chest tighten. How the fuck was I going to be without her for these next few days? It felt like her birthday four fucking years ago, and I never wanted to experience that loss again.
“I know you will,” she said, closing the distance between us and placing her warm lips on mine. She grasped my free hand and intertwined our fingers, her brows furrowing lightly. “And I’ll be here, waiting for you both to return in one piece.”
“And me,” Jaroth said. “I’ll be back too.”
“Be happy if you return in pieces,” Gaian growled.
But Gaian didn’t know what I had planned. We might’ve been heading for the north, near the ice pits, but we had to pass a couple of otherhappyplaces, where we could let Jaroth rest. And by fucking happy, I meant … well, he’d see.
“Your royal blood won’t save your ass this time,” I said to him, kissing Sina one last time, then releasing her and snatching a fistful of Jaroth’s greasy-ass hair that hadn’t been washed in what seemed like fucking months or some shit. “Not this fucking time.”
