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“But if the sex was rough enough, human with human, you could tell if I was being abused?” I asked, wanting direct confirmation. My entire body was tense, my chest tightening by the second and my throat closing up.
“Yes.”
A weight that I had been suppressing for so long felt as if it was crushing me. I held back my tears and stared directly at her, knowing that she had lied to me all these years. She had been my doctor when Dad started havingbusiness meetingsand inviting over men to … sleep in my bedroom.
They were rough. So rough. Sometimes rougher than the guys.
And they left bruises on my inner thighs too. She would’ve seen them because a couple days after those late nights, Dad would force me to come to the doctor to make sure that I wasn’t pregnant and didn’t have any … STDs.
“Is there something going on?” she said, pulling the sheet over my legs to give me privacy. “Sina?”
“Everything is fine.”
“Sina?” she said, hands on my knees. “Talk to m—”
“Everything is fine,” I snapped.
“You’re holding something back. I can tell. You’ve never been so cold before.”
“Lots of things have changed in four years, Dr. Stormmark.”
After staring at me for a few long moments, she sighed and nodded. I pulled my legs together and watched her walk around the room. Maybe she hadn’t noticed years ago, or maybe she had but refused to care.
Either way, I realized that maybenobodywas on my side. Maybe everyone—besides Maxine and the guys—around here in Durnbone who I had trusted four years ago had all been paid off by Dad, had refused to care or help out an innocent girl, had let me be sexualized by old, creepy men.
At the thought of coming here this morning, I’d had so many nerves racing through me. I didn’t know if I should’ve even come here at all, but now that I had found out she could tell I was being abused and hadn’t said anything back then …
I was certain that this was what I wanted.
This was the only thing I could control now.
Dr. Stormmark flipped through some pages within a manila folder. “From the forms you filled out in the waiting room, you had a Pap smear a few months ago. You get regular checkups at your doctor where your father lives. And you say that you’re not being abused. So, why are you here today?”
I sucked in a deep breath. “It’s about my birth control.”
“It seems that your IUD is in place, as it should be. Was that what you—”
“No,” I interrupted. “I want you to take it out.”
19
the disappointment
sina
“No.”
One simple word that crushed me entirely.
From her chair, Dr. Stormmark snapped my file closed and stood to strip her gloves and wash her hands in the sink. “I am not taking out your IUD now, Sina. It’s good for the next two years, and that’s where it’s going to stay until then.”
While any normal doctor would most likely listen to their patient’s wants and needs, Dr. Stormmark didn’t even consider mine. She had stood up and given me a cold, hard no without room for argument.
Sure, I would be able to understand her stance if she really thought I was being abused, but she had never even asked about it years ago, when there had been bruises all over my body and I had been showing up for STD tests every few weeks.
“You’ve never cared about me, have you?” I asked, pulling my gown closed and following her to the door. I snapped my hand on the wood and refused to let her open it to escape this conversation. “Did my father pay you off too?”
“Let me out, Sina,” she said, struggling against me to pull open the door.
