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the suffocation
sina
All night,I twisted and turned in the bed, unable to keep my mind calm. The only thing I could seem to think about was how much of a jackass Calder was to me. I didn’t understand his reasoningfor anything, but these guys followed his orders because he was the alpha.
And I fucking hated it.
After grinding my teeth together for the hundredth time tonight, I threw my blankets off of me and stormed to my bedroom door. The house was quiet tonight, which meant that all the guys were actually in bed or out, but I didn’t give a fuck.
I slipped into the hallway quietly and hurried to Calder’s door, grasping the door handle firmly in my hand. It seemed like everything had been annoying me tonight—from how hot it was in my room to how I couldn’t get him off my mind.
Why the hell was he the only thing I could think about? And who the hell did he think he was?
When I stepped into the room, the first thing I caught sight of were those skanky panties that I’d spotted last time. I didn’t know who the fuck wore a neon G-stringthatslutty, but I sure as hell wanted to put up a fight about it.
Heat engulfed my body, my cheeks burning. I slammed his bedroom door, probably waking up all the other guys, and rushed to his bed. All I wanted was for him to hurt. He had done nothing but be an asshole to me and parade around those fucking panties, stashing them in a place heknewI’d see them.
Didn’t he know that I liked him—even if he was an asshole? I’dalwaysfreaking liked him.
I grabbed the nearest pillow, climbed onto him, and straddled his waist. At first, he shifted underneath me, his strong body feelinghuge.Then, when he blinked his eyes open and saw my furious face, I pressed my hands hard against the center of the pillow and suffocated that freaking bitch.
I didn’t know what had come over me, but I couldn’t stop.
He struggled underneath me again, twisting and turning his body andtryingto push me off him. But I didn’t stop. I pressed as hard as I could because I wanted him to freaking pay. I wanted him to hurt. All I had been doing was hurting.
A layer of sweat covered my back, my lungs burning. Why the fuck did he keep things from me? Did he not think I was strong enough to handle them? I hated all these secrets. It felt like Dad’s house all over again.
Calder couldn’t protect me these past four years from all the monsters who had bent me over the side of my own bed and fucked me until my eyes filled with tears and I was begging—fucking begging—them to stop. He couldn’t protect me from experiment after experiment that Dad had done on me to make me a perfect specimen, a perfect fucking suitor for any type of species who could want to use my body.
I had done fine, escaping Dad’s estate, all by myself. I had gone through torture worse than that poison that Gaian had taken and those men who wanted to find me. I didn’t need him to protect me.
Doubling down, I put all my weight onto the pillow to hold it in place. I looped my legs around his and ground my hips against the front of his to stop his body from spazzing. If I had to use fucking force to show him that I was strong and capable of the truth, then I would.
But, hell, it was getting hot in here. He even had the windows cracked open, and it was October.
A low growl rumbled through the pillow. Hot tears welled up in my eyes from everything that I had been holding back lately. I shoved my hands down against the pillow over and over and over, hoping that he’d die.
Not really, but still.
His movements and struggles became stronger. I needed a way to show him that I was serious about all this shit. That I could handle anything he would throw at me. That I didn’t want to see any more panties lying around his room.
Just as he ripped the pillow away from me, I spotted a silver knife sitting on his bedside table. I grabbed it, released the pillow, and shoved the sharp edge of the blade right against the artery in his neck.
“Don’t freaking move, Calder,” I growled, breathing hard. His room suddenly felt hot, burning, scorching,suffocating. As my chest rose and fell, I pressed the knife harder against his skin. “Stop acting like you’re the big bad alpha and tell me what you’ve been hiding from me. Tell me whose panties those are. Why do you keep hiding shit from me?!”
“Mate.” The word came out low and feral, his voice almost not even his.
Blinded with rage and hurt and agony, I shoved my hands into his chest to push him further against the mattress. Hot tears filled my eyes to the brim. My skin burned under the heat in this room. I wanted him to hurt.
I didn’t want them to be his mate’s. I wanted them to be mine.
I wanted to be the one leaving panties in his room. I wanted to be the one sleeping with him every night of the week. I wanted to be the one who birthed his pups, one after another after another until this pack house was full of them.
“Tell me!” I screamed at him, control completely fucking gone.What is happening to me?
Suddenly, he seized my waist and turned me around, so I was lying on the bed. He growled, his eyes glowing a golden tint and his canines lengthening under the moonlight.
“Heat,” he said. “You’re going through the first few symptoms of heat.”
