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I desperately missed this side of him.
“Or maybe, they just don’t expect someone of my caliber to be in this country ass city, eating at a place calledGrub N Stuff.”
As terrible as the name was, I wouldn’t disrespect the place by saying the food wasn’t on point. It was one of my favorites so far. One of the only things I could look forward to.
“This is almost worth being stuck here.” He tilted his hand, acknowledging the burger before taking another bite.
“True, every calorie is worth the extra time I’ll have to put in the gym before my next tour. Not much better than this.”
“Mom’s cooking was.”
It fumbled out of his mouth before he realized it. The second he acknowledged her I noticed the shift in his eyes.
The darkness rolled through him like a raging storm and the heaviness jumped across the table and settled into the pit of my stomach. A hardness etched itself into his expression.
“You’re right. Nothing comes close to the way she used to burn in the kitchen.” I forced a smile, hoping to lighten the mood. He needed my light because he was struggling to find his own.
“Yeah.”
Don’t let him drown.
Don’t you dare let him drown.
“Drew told me there’s a place here I should check out. It’s over on Canal. I thought we’d hit it up tonight if you’re cool with that.” I tried to change the subject because today had been a good day, one we both needed.
“You go.”
“Kaliq…”
“Stop hovering. I can think about her without falling apart or wanting to do something stupid.” His tone was gravelly and tight as he spoke through clenched teeth.
“I’m not saying you can’t. That’s not what this is about. We both need to release some tension. Thought maybe we could do that tonight. You ain’t had no pussy in a minute.” I shrugged.
Shit, neither had I.
There had to be something worth bending over in this city. Couldn’t say for sure because most of our time was spent at the house—eating, sleeping, and wishing we were anywhere but here.
“Probably not smart for me to swap one vice for another. Maybe I just need to chill for a little while.”
I chuckled, shaking my head. “I didn’t say you needed to run through every pair of open legs in the damn town. Just one willing pair that can hold you over until we get back to our lives.”
“Yourlife. There isn’t a damn thing waiting on me back home.”
My eyes narrowed. “You can do whatever you want to do, Kaliq.Any-fucking-thing.You just need to figure out what that is. I thought you wanted to get back to making beats and producing?”
I worked my ass off to make sure that Kaliq’s possibilities were limitless, but I didn’t mind one minute of the work I’d put in. At least it was doing something I loved. I had failed Kaliq in so many ways it was the least I could do.
I know he didn’t blame me. Hell, he was too busy blaming himself but I was the oldest. He was my responsibility and this shit was on me. It was all on me. Always had been.
“I know. I’m not saying I don’t have options. You give me that.”
“And you don’t owe me a damn thing, Kaliq. Not one fucking thing. Don’t ever think you do.”
He kept his eyes fastened to mine as he offered a tight nod. I could see the lie. Could feel it bouncing between us. No matter how many ways I’d failed my baby brother, he was convinced he’d failed me and it twisted in me like a razor each time I realized I couldn’t erase how broken he felt.
two
Cadence.
