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“She has a kid.”
When I eventually looked up at Kaliq he frowned. “Unless it’s still in her, then I don’t see the problem and if it is, you ain’t shit.” He grinned which had me groaning that he thought I would cross that line. What I was doing was messed up, but not that damn messed up.
“Nah, kid’s like three, maybe four. Shit, I don’t know. Small but she can talk and stuff.”
My brother found my response amusing, laughing before he shrugged. “Still not seeing with the issue is.”
“You know what my world looks like. There’s no place for a kid or a woman that has one.”
“So you’re saying you don’t plan on having any?”
Did I? Hell, I never really thought about it.
“Maybe, but damn sure not anytime soon. I easily spend six months out the year on tour after an album drops and when I’m home, I spend days at a time locked in the studio. There’s nothing left for play dates and family outings.”
He didn’t argue. Kaliq had a front row seat to what my life looked like. He lived it with me. My current situation worked for a single man with no responsibilities, but that didn’t have mean I hadn’t considered the possibilities.
Of keeping them in my life.
Pushing off my chair I crossed the room and tossed my bowl into the sink before snatching up my notebook. Might as well make good use of my time.
“Gonna go write,” I muttered, unlocking the back door, stepping out into the summer heat.
The sun was already blazing which had me dragging my chair into the corner for shade. The words flowed but I wasn’t the least bit surprised. She was everything good and for a little while, she’d poured that into me.
Knew better than to chase, should have left well enough alone,
Could feel it in my spirit you looked at me and saw home
Never should have touched you, feel you in my bones,
Sampled the best kind of sin, now I want you for my own.
While the lyrics appeared in blue ink I couldn’t help the disappointment from knowing that soon enough, all I would have left were the lyrics she inspired. The songs that filled my head, while I tapped out melodies to my soul.
I was connected, something about Cadence wouldn’t let me go and that was another warning. The worst part had to be knowledge that she was holding on too. She needed a piece of me which should have been another warning, but with her it was different.
It wasn’t about money or access. I couldn’t imagine she would be impressed by seeing her name next to mine as a headline. Would more than bet my life she would absolutely hate it. The pieces of me she wanted didn’t have damn thing to do withSol.
Solwould dim her light. The light that had me chasing Cadence when I shouldn’t have. Wouldn’t dream of putting her through that nightmare. Everyone wasn’t built to handle the pressure.
My brother is hanging on by a thread.
Exhaling my frustration, I slammed my notebook shut, reciting her words in my head.
Let today be today.
It wasn’t much but it was gonna have to do, so I kept writing. Engraving the pages with all the words, emotions, and feelings that I’d been lost to for so long
My last album was good, but not great. It was even a little dark considering all the shit I had piled on my shoulders weighing me down in a place that I couldn’t find my way out of.
The fans supported, some even saying it was some of my best work. The twisted fucks that liked to live in those dark places. But this—even though expressing what shouldn’t be touched, experienced, or absorbed by me—still felt light.
Cadence.
It was all her. Her light. Her inspiration, her memories that played on repeat in my head, squeezing at my chest, keeping my dick hard when she wasn’t near me, fucking with my insides by eliciting control and I welcomed all of it, because just for a little while, she could make me forget.
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