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“She did too. When I told her she was so fucking happy, Sol. Her smile. The way she looked at me. It was how she looked at you. She was proud of me too. She wanted to see, so I held my phone up.” He shook his head and turned his eyes away from me. “The truck in front of us stopped. She didn’t see it until it was too late. I’m the reason she died. She hit that median because of me. She died because of me.”
What the fuck?
Is that what really happened?
Did I care?
No, it wouldn’t change a thing. She was gone, he was here. It wasn’t his fault.
“Liq…”
I stood and approached him with caution. He still wouldn’t look at me, didn’t answer, but I wouldn’t let him drown again. Not this time.
I grabbed him and pulled my brother into my chest. His body was tense, muscles locked tight but also trembling. I held him tighter and he broke. The emotions pushed through.
“It’s my fault.”
“It’s not, Liq. It’s really not and I don’t blame you. I never would fucking blame you. Ever. It was just a bad thing, one that shouldn’t have happened.”
He went stiff again and pushed away from me. I let him because fuck I didn’t know what he needed right now and I didn’t want to make things worse.
Don’t let him drown.
“She was distracted because of me.”
“Maybe but you didn’t make that truck slam on its brakes in front of her. That’s not on you. And who’s to say that had she not been distracted she would have been able to prevent slamming into the back of that truck. You don’t know. No one does and you can’t blame yourself. Fuck, is that why you’ve been so messed up? You felt like it was your fault? You thought that I would be angry? That I would do what?”
“Walk away from me. You don’t need me and all my shit. You never did. I made things worse.”
“No you didn’t. You’re my brother. My responsibility. I stand for you and fight for youalways. No matter what. Don’t you get that?”
He looked away again and I spoke to him. “Liq, look at me.”
It took a minute but he finally did. “I stand for you. I fight for you. No matter what. You hear me?”
He nodded and roughly swiped his hand under his eye. “I hear you.”
“Aight then. You should have told me.”
“I wanted to.”
“You should have. It changes nothing. You’ve been dealing with this shit for years, Liq. Look what it’s done to you. I could have helped.”
“Sheets knows,” he said quietly.
“Knows what?”
“About Mom. That I was…”
“Stop saying that shit,” I growled, more angry that he’d brought up Sheets. “What do you mean he knows?”
“I was high one night. Things got so dark I just wanted to fucking die. I didn’t want to be here anymore. I was messed up bad, Sol. I told him about the accident. I was gonna tell you but he made me promise not to. Said it wouldn’t look good for you. Other people died not just Mom. He said they would pressure me or come after you for money with civil suits since I didn’t have shit. It was right before your last tour. He said the bad press would make you lose money and the label would be pissed. Might even drop you.”
“And you believed him?” I gritted, trying to not unleash anger on my brother that was meant for Sheets.
“Why wouldn’t I? I know how things work in your world. Anything attached to you that’s bad press affects your career. I caused that accident. He told me…”
“Fuck what he told you. You should have come to me.”
