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Valued.
Protected.
Jaah’s hands eased onto my waist, settling lower at my hips. The pads of his fingers pressed into me and I felt it everywhere.
“I have no idea what I’m doing,” I admitted.
“Neither do I.” I sensed that he was reaching for the right words. “Neither of us had plans for what we were doing and now…”
“I’m not expecting anything. I understood what this was from the beginning.”
“That’s the thing though. I am.”
“Expecting something from me?”
“I want you to consider staying here for a while. To give this a real chance to be something.”
I tried to envision what that would look like for me and Gracie. A relationship with a man whose entire life was exposed to the world and not because that was what he wanted. Simply because the world felt they had a right to be a part of his world.
“There was a time when I would have sold my soul for this. And in some ways I did…” I looked around his studio. “I love music. The thrill of creating melodies then attaching words to them was like a lifeline. I wanted so much to be a part of that world until I fully understood what being in that world meant. If it were just me, then yeah maybe but I don’t want this for Gracie. Part of the reason I agreed to come was so that she could be protected from everything. You were right, I couldn’t give her that at home. She would have had questions that I couldn’t give answers for. Her little world would have been turned upside down with reporters and cameras being shoved in her face, tracking her every move. At least here, she can breathe a little and not be confined to being stuck in the house not understating why something as simple as walking to the park can’t happen. She deserves to be a kid and to be happy. Not be a spectacle or a headline. I’m here because it will give me time to figure out what I need to do next without making Gracie a prisoner in our home or subjecting her to the consequences of mistakes I made. This…” I looked around again before my eyes were on him. “Can’t be our lives. I don’t want this for her.”
“This meaning my life?” He gave a sexy grunt of acknowledgment.
I nodded slowly. “Having Gracie brought a lot of things into perspective for me. Our lives are very different from yours. I don’t know that you’re actually processing what you’re asking for.”
“I know exactly what I’m asking for, Cadence.” The look he delivered spoke volumes.
Me.
He wants me.
“If it were just me…”
“But it’s not. I’ve taken that into consideration…”
“Have you?” I asked truthfully. “You’re touring for half the year and when you’re not on tour, you’re in the studio, doing interviews, or meeting with executives to map out the plans for the next time you will be on tour. Where does a kid fit into that arrangement?”
Where would I fit into that arrangement?
“It’s not an easy fix. I’m well aware but that doesn’t mean that it would be impossible.”
“We live very different lives, Jaah.”
“I won’t lie and say we don’t but I also think you’re exaggerating how much I allow the industry to actually be a part of my life. Naturally there are things that can’t be avoided but my privacy is very important. When I was younger I was right in the middle of everything but the older and wiser I’ve become, I understand the value of very clear lines as to what I share with the world and what I keep exclusively for myself.”
And there was that look again. The one that also made very clear that I was one of the things he wanted to keep exclusively for himself.
“I’m not exaggerating your life. Have you searched your name on the internet?”
“You said you didn’t read all that stuff.”
I quickly shook my head, leaning into him, burying my lips over his. “I didn’t, but me not reading any of it doesn’t mean those things don’t exist. Gracie’s name is already going to be attached to mistakes I’ve made in the past. I have to do right by her. She deserves to be whoever she wants to be, not who the world says she should be. That won’t happen if everything she does is judged by my life or yours.”
My mouth naturally migrated to his. Soft, tentative touches. “You promised me a temporary escape. A place to breathe for a minute without worrying about everything going on out there. Can we let it just be that and enjoy things for what they are?” My voice was rough with emotion. Me wanting this but knowing it wasn’t a good idea.
“Yeah, we can do that.” He held me tighter and kissed me harder. I opened for him on a sigh, allowing his tongue to take over, convincing me that I was wrong. I felt the warmth of his fingers under my shirt, brushing over my skin and the world slipped away for a moment.
He broke the kiss and pulled me closer, allowing his forehead to rest against mine. “I won’t push,” he said quietly and my skin felt feverish with the warmth and pressure of his hands on my skin. “But, while you’re here, I thoroughly plan on proving that we can make this work.” We kissed again with him speaking between breaths. “And I thoroughly plan on using every resource available to me to prove the benefits of us making this work.”
