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“Grace, if you don’t feel that God loves you, the darkness will win. That soldier will keep following you. I’ve seen it happen to plenty of SEALs. They join Special Operations with good intentions. But the violence and the horrors they encounter can seep into their souls if they’re not cloaked in God’s armor, and many of them aren’t.”
Her heart gave an ache of loss. “I used to feel protected. Growing up, I was sure of God’s love for me. I was happy.”
“And now you’re not.”
It wasn’t a question. “I can’t be happy without Mateo.”
“It’s not Mateo who will make you happy. Joy comes from knowing you are loved.”
Anger flared in her. Neither Faith nor Amos seemed to grasp that God had abandoned her first. “You said you might be able to get Mateo out of Venezuela for me. How would you do that?”
He released her hand and sat back in his seat, folding his arms across his broad chest. “My training of the special forces group in Colombia isn’t over. There’s a part two. I can ask to work with them sooner rather than later. That would put me in Bogotá for a week. Once the training is complete, I would arrange for my hosts to fly me to Casuarito, take a boat across to Venezuela, and pick up Mateo like the last time. I should never have left him there, Grace. I’m sorry for what I’ve put you through.”
The apology, coming on top of his incredibly gracious offer, brought tears surging into her eyes. She ducked her head, trying to conceal them, but he saw them anyway.
“Hey.” He lifted her chin with the tips of his fingers. “It’s okay. I’ll get him for you.”
She laughed at the ridiculousness of his offer. “Amos, you have a son who needs you. What would Simon do if you took off for a week or more?”
“He’d stay with you, of course.”
That he trusted her so completely with his child was flattering, but… “It’s not that easy. Mateo is terrified of you. Can you imagine how he would react if you snatched him from the Doyles in the dead of night? He would be utterly traumatized. I mean, I appreciate the offer. It’s incredibly decent of you, and you’re not at all the jackass I thought you were.”
Her words dragged a laugh from him. “Well, that’s something.”
“But Ihaveto be the one to fetch him. No one else can do it.”
Even in the dark, she could see the scowl that pulled his eyebrows together. “Don’t even think about returning to that country by yourself. I’ll find a way to gowithyou, if that’s what it takes.”
“And who will watch Simon if we both go?”
He gestured with frustration. “You are the most stubborn woman I have ever met!”
The hot accusation hurt her feelings. “I am not. I am a mother, and nothing can stop me from finding my son and saving him from the wolves.”
Amos drew a steadying breath. “Then listen to these words, first: ‘Nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love.’ If you want to bring Mateo home to give him a full and happy life, you have to believe this, Grace.”
She searched herself, feeling only the deep emptiness of grief. “I want to believe it.”
“Good. Good, that’s enough for now. All it takes is a mustard seed of faith, just the smallest drop of hope.”
She blinked the moisture from her eyes. “I’m very tired. Can I go to bed now?”
“Of course.” His tone conveyed remorse. “Come, I’ll take you there now.” He stood and held out his hand.
She slowly took it. Honestly, once her hand was in his, she felt safer and more cherished than she had in weeks. The thought that he might try to hug her or kiss her didn’t even alarm her. If she were honest with herself, she rather hoped he would.
He led her down the steps into the air-conditioned houseboat, then locked the door behind them. As they crossed the living area toward the stairs—four leading up to the captain’s room and several disappearing down to the bunk room—she caught sight of Simon, lying in Amos’s huge bed, a small figure quilted in starlight.
Amos snapped on a light as they descended to the bunk room. The space was large enough to live in, filling the belly of the boat. Bunks were built into the sides of the hull, six of them in all. He led her to the only one that was made up with sheets and a blanket.
“You’ll be okay here?”
Still holding onto her hand, he turned her to face him. With his free hand, he tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear, then cupped the side of her face. The gentle caress caused her stomach to cartwheel. She knew an urge to nuzzle her cheek against his palm, but part of her was afraid to encourage him. Amos was more than her shattered heart could handle.
He must have read reticence in her paralyzed stance, for he did not try to kiss her. “There’s a brand-new toothbrush in the medicine cabinet in the bathroom at the top of the stairs.”
She nodded stiffly. “Thanks.”
