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Since her arrival in the medical wing, her mind had swung back and forth between Oh God, he's dead and He's fine, he can't be dead. Like a pendulum gliding toward positivity, then crashing back into negativity. Again and again until she didn't know what was real and what she'd imagined.
Connie clung to him, comforted by the arm resting stiffly across her shoulders. She could feel his pain, his exhaustion, as keenly as she felt her own. Maybe when he slept, she would be able to sleep too. The hours that had passed since yesterday morning had been so long, full of flashbacks and despair, and she hadn't been able to sleep. The pain kept her awake, but the threat of being accosted by a doctor while she slept, held down for an examination, made her reject the pain medication she’d been offered.
Every shadow was her enemy.
Thane sighed, and Connie sensed he was on the verge of sliding into sleep. Once he succumbed, she would be alone again, stranded in the darkness with memories and pain.
Beneath her hand, Thane's body was relaxing, his muscles softening like wax. She didn't dare move in case she disturbed him, but she risked a glance at his face. Weariness lined his handsome features, battling with pain markers around his eyes and mouth. Her Dom was ready to crash, and she couldn't blame him. She was just afraid of what would happen when he was asleep.
Thane's eyelids blinked open, then drooped slowly. The amber was starting to glaze. He shushed Connie when a strangled noise of protest leaked from her throat, straining the vocal cords she’d barely used. “No one is going to hurt you here, Connie. Just close your eyes, give in to sleep. Let it take the pain away for a while…” His voice trailed off as his face went slack.
Thane? Thane. Connie shook him, trying to rouse him. Part of her realized he'd finally fallen headlong into sleep, but another part was afraid he'd surrendered to something much worse. More final. Her voice wouldn't come, trapped behind the knot in her throat she'd lived with since yesterday. She shook him harder, silently begging him not to leave her.
As she struggled to focus on reality, her mind was already playing on her fears, scripting a memorandum reel. Thane, being masterful. Thane as a submissive, his expression blissful as his body bowed beneath her hands. Amber eyes smiling into hers, his lips curved. Thane, looming from the darkness and breaching the sanctity of her hiding place, all strict and loving and dominant.
God, she lovedhim. She wanted him to wake, to stroke her hair away from her face and tell her everything would be fine. He would take her home and, if she was brave, she could slide away, drift into sleep, and this entire mess would be behind them when she woke.
Today, she was not brave.
Images of the living room zipped through the slideshow of Thane, forcing her pulse to spike. No, it wasn't safe at home. Men could break in, could shoot without warning. Blood everywhere, splashed over the walls and pooling on the carpet. Staining, tainting.
Whimpering under her breath, she tried to push aside the fearful Connie and dig down to the Domme, wanting the unshakable strength and controlled calm she exuded, but her inner Mistress was missing.
So many parts of her were missing, she didn’t know who she was anymore.
Turning her face against Thane’s chest, Connie wept until she couldn’t keep her eyes open, releasing the floodgates on the torrent of emotions drowning her. Once she started, she couldn’t stop, and years of repressed pain finally escaped the vault.
*
Fire seared through his shoulder, jolting him awake as he barely bit off a cry of discomfort. Teeth clenched, Thane resisted swearing up a blue streak as he realized there was a heavy weight on his chest—Connie was finally getting some goddamn rest. “Fuck.”
“Want me to get the nurse?” Beside the bed, Liam leaned forward in the visitor’s chair, his expression concerned. His blond hair was stuck up in spikes where his hands had raked through it, at a guess, and his gray eyes were tired. “I think she’s loitering outside.”
He groaned, shaking his head. “It’ll pass. Getting shot in my forties is a hell of a lot worse than taking a bullet when I was younger.” He lifted his free hand to stroke Connie’s arm and make sure he wasn’t hallucinating her being there. “How long has she been out?”
“No idea. I’ve been here a while and she’s been asleep the entire time.”
“Good. Let’s try and keep it that way. You have news?”
Liam sat back, obviously happy Thane didn’t need assistance. “Nothing important. You know, I like seeing you two together. Maybe I had a few doubts when Atticus first hooked you up—you were a stranger, after all, and Connie…well, Connie’s been ours for what seems like forever. But you’re good for her, Thane. Like, nurturing the soul kind of good. The last few months before you showed up at the club, I was expecting a phone call. The phone call.”
Thane frowned, Liam’s tone distracting him from the pain terrorizing his body.
“The call telling us she was in the hospital, or worse, in the morgue. I’ve been waiting for it, and the waiting has damn near turned me gray.” He tugged on a rogue lock of blond hair, with not a silver streak in sight. “I love her like a sister, and she was dying in front of my eyes. Not physically, but deeper. Everything conspired together to break her, and then you came along and started patching up the wounds, healing the rifts. I owe you, Thane, for her. We all do.”
Thane scoffed. “Oh yeah, Liam, you really owe me. It’s not like I almost got her raped and killed yesterday. I should probably get a huge pat on the back for that.”
“Unless you stripped her naked and put a gun to her head, you know you’re talking shit. That fucker, Guthrie, is the only one responsible for what happened. We all know that, even if you haven’t comprehended it yet. Fuck.” Liam checked his watch as it bleeped with an alarm. “Look, visiting hours are over for me for today. You missed Braun and Loki. Braun couldn't stay long—we're taking it in turns sitting with Bodie when he comes to visit. She can't see Connie like this, not when they've done so well keeping the pregnancy going. The stress…”
“You don't have to explain. I get it. Connie will understand too.” Thane blew out a long breath, trying to ignore the throbbing in his shoulder. “If you have to go, Liam, don't apologize. I appreciate you staying with us when we're both shit company. And I get it, I do, that this isn’t my fault, but right now, looking at Connie, I can’t help but believe it is.”
“Someone needs to make sure you don't get into trouble. Atticus will be here around four. The nurses should be in any time to do their checks and shit.” Liam set his hand on Thane's forearm. “This is gonna be a sore subject for a long time, brother, but it needs to be repeated. Now, before the cement sets and things can't be changed. You're not responsible for what happened yesterday. None of us blame you, Thane, and neither will Connie.”
He sucked in a breath, feeling like Liam had belted him rather than offered unwavering support. “There's got to be blame somewhere. There'll be accusations thrown around, speculation, blame. A lot of it will come from Connie, and I'm not going to defend myself if she slings it my way. Fact is, I was unprepared. For a lot of things. I didn't expect my former commander to be a criminal willing to line me up in crosshairs I knew nothing about. I didn't anticipate the threat from Guthrie to become reality so quickly, so I left my home and my sub open to attack. Worst of all, I didn't protect her when she needed me to. I didn't stop him from touching her, Liam. What kind of man am I?”
Liam's hand snagged him around the throat, tilting his head back. Gray eyes blazing with dominance, he forced Thane's submission to the forefront without a word. Fingers tight enough to bruise, he bent his blond head close and showed Thane exactly what kind of Dominant lurked beneath his easygoing façade. “You're the man we trusted with our girl, Thane. You're the fucking Dominant who got up after being shot and beat the absolute shit out of the asshole who hurt her. Do you think Braun doesn't kick himself for letting Bodie sneak off back to that shithole of an apartment where her parents almost killed her? Or that Jasper doesn't harbor regrets for the events that ended up with his sub driving a truck over a man?”
Lowering his eyes respectfully, Thane wasn't prepared for his friend to tip his head back until their gazes met again. “They weren't feet away from their subs when that happened, Liam. I was in the same damn room as him and Connie when he fucked with my girl, and I was too fucking slow to—”
