AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Then we’ll figure it out together. Tell me your secret, little rabbit.”
She tried to sit up, but his hand pressed to her midriff, keeping her still. Vulnerable, submissive. “I’ve never been able to remember anything about my childhood, up until I was eight. It’s just this huge chasm of nothingness, like I didn’t exist before then.” She bit her lip to stop it trembling. “Since I came here, I’ve been hearing voices.”
“Voices telling you to do things?”
“No. Not crazy voices. I think they’re from my past. It’s like whatever vault my childhood is locked in has cracked, and the voices are leaking out.” She exhaled shakily, squeezing her eyes shut. “They talk about me as if I’m not there, calling me defective. The woman telling the man to get rid of me.” She swallowed hard. “The man telling her to let the boys fuck me as a treat.”
“Jesus Christ,” he muttered.
“I think my memories are coming back, Saul, but I don’t want them.” Tears blurred her vision when she opened her eyes to look at him. “I don’t know what happened to me, but I don’t want to know.”
Face grim, he gripped her hand. “It might be that you don’t have a choice in the matter, bunny. Maybe your mind has reached the point where it’s ready—where you’re ready—to deal with it.” Linking their fingers together, he asked, “Are you sure there are two voices? Male and female?”
“Yeah. The first time, they weren’t clear, but I think the woman was the one in charge. She said I was defective, too needy, too…clingy. She told him to get rid of me, she didn’t have time to waste on a defective.” Bile rose swiftly up her throat.
“The first time?” Saul scowled. “When was this?”
“Last week,” she whispered. “A couple of times since then, but this new one…it was before the rest. The man was talking, saying…about the boys. The woman said it wasn’t part of my training, that I needed to learn how to use sex as a distraction. A weapon.” She tasted the bile now, tried to swallow it down before it choked her. “The man told her I was behind the others of my age, that I had to be cut from the program.”
“How old do you think you were?”
“Four. The voice said I was four.”
“Goddamn it.” His grip on her fingers became almost painful. “Caera, can you remember anyone touching you inappropriately? Did he follow through on the threat?”
Her stomach heaved.
Swearing, Saul released her and dove across the room for the waste basket, shoving it under her face as she rolled to the edge of the bed. Vomit erupted into the container, wrenching up the horror she felt tainting her system. Sobs punctuated her violent hurls, tears and snot joining the mess.
“I’ve got you, bunny. Get it all up.” He gathered her hair away from her face. “Good girl. Get it all out now.”
By the time she was done, she was exhausted. Sweat had added to the chaos, beading on her face and neck, chilling her body. When Saul eased her back, his expression was sympathetic. “S-Sorry.”
“Don’t apologize. I think we’ll get you cleaned up and tucked in for a nap. I’m going to call Connie and see if she has time to talk to you later. It’s not your designated day, I know, but she won’t mind.”
“No. No, don’t bother her with this.”
“Oh yes, we will bother her with this, Caera. That’s her job, and this is beyond my scope.” He walked away into the bathroom, leaving her to try and catch her breath. When he came out a few minutes later, washcloth in hand, he glared at her. “I’m not happy that you’ve kept this from me all week, little rabbit.”
She felt her lips droop into an unhappy curve. “I thought I was imagining it.”
“Hmmm.” Despite the intimidating glare, Saul tended to her so gently, she was almost asleep before the first swipe of the cloth left her skin. “Not acceptable, Caera. Communication and honesty are two things I demand from everyone. Can’t fix a problem if I don’t know about it, can I? Can’t get you the help you need if you keep quiet.”
Oh, he was mad. She hoped she hadn’t ruined their plans for the night, she’d been looking forward to it all week. Closing her eyes as he wiped her cheeks, she wondered if there was anything she could say to make things better.
“I’m sorry,” was the only thing that came to mind.
“Bunny, we’ll figure it out. Just…no more lies of omission, okay?”
God, those pet names of his had really stuck. Little rabbit and bunny, she thought hazily. They should sound ridiculous but…they were tiny pieces of comfort she could spin around in her head, using them for comfort when she needed calming and couldn’t ask Saul for it out loud.
“Okay.” In spite of her exhaustion, she gave a good attempt to sit up, only for his hand to land lightly on her chest and shove her back into the pillows.
“Where do you think you’re going?” he demanded.
“The mess…I need to clean it up.”
“You need to close your eyes and nap, little rabbit. There,” he murmured, trailing a fingertip down her cheek. “perfect again. Get some sleep. I’ll be in the office, with the door open. I’m not leaving you alone.”
