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It wasn’t worth breaking her trust to find out.
As the arnica got to work, Saul managed to strip her out of the T-shirt, then covered her lightly with a blanket. Leaning over to kiss her damp temple, he saw the flutter of her eye as she tried to open it. “Shush, bunny, I’m right here. Go to sleep.”
Straightening, he yanked his own shirt over his head, then downed the rest of the water in two thirsty swallows. Adjusting the obnoxious erection plaguing him, he stretched out next to her, close enough she could find him in her sleep, and let himself doze for a while.
*
“I can’t kill a kid, for Christ’s sake.”
“Why not? It’s what you’ve been trained to do.”
“Adults, not kids. Look at her.”
“I am, and all I see is mediocrity. No spark, no will to succeed in this field. Not like you and your brothers.” The disgust in the woman’s voice spiked through Caera’s heart and hurt her more than she was allowed to say. “Look at her, you say. She lacks…everything I require. Would you rather I sell her to the highest bidder, recoup some of the investments I’ve put into her worthless hide? I can, if you wish, Darius. There’ll be several interested buyers here in an hour if that’s what you would prefer.”
Caera gazed up at the man staring down at her with horror in his blue eyes. He was blond, like her, and maybe not so much older than her seven years. She’d never seen him in the house before, but the way he spoke to the woman was too familiar for them to be strangers.
She knew she’d failed the woman. The disgust and temper in the eyes she knew better than her own had made her want to cry, because she hated disappointing her, even though the woman did things to her, gave her pain and more pain, tried to teach through torture.
Caera hadn’t been able to kill the rabbit.
The woman she thought of as Mother had set down the syringe full of pretty blue liquid on the table, then plopped down a cute bunny with a twitchy nose marked with a black butterfly against its white fur.
She’d stroked it, feeling the silkiness of that soft coat, the warmth of a living creature. She was young, but she lived in isolation, never seeing anyone but the Mother or the Father, even though she sometimes heard voices she didn’t recognize in the corridor outside her sparse room.
She hadn’t been able to end its life, so the Mother had, and now Caera’s was forfeit.
“This is your test, Darius. Take the girl outside and put her down. Dispose of her where she won’t be found. She’s going to die, either by your hand or after she’s been fucked repeatedly by whoever buys her.” The Mother sneered. “At least you can make it quick.”
“She’s one of us.”
“No. She is not. Keep thinking like that and your graduation will become your funeral.”
The man’s face hardened, became a scary mask that reminded her of the Father when he was angry. Lately, everyone was angry at her. She failed test after test, couldn’t grasp basic situations, and questioned commands.
“Fine,” he snapped. Reaching out with an elegant hand laced with tiny scars, he grabbed Caera by the neck and yanked her forward, away from the Mother. “But when it’s done, I’m out of here. Fuck your graduation, and fuck you. This house can burn for all I care. I’ll make my own rules, and not killing kids will be at the top of the fucking list.”
Caera screamed and kicked as the man hauled her away. She looked at the Mother for help, despite knowing it wouldn’t come from her, but the woman had already turned away, walking in the opposite direction without a backwards glance.
“Should’ve killed the fucking rabbit, girl.”
*
“Kill the rabbit! Kill the rabbit!”
Caera woke screaming the words, over and over again, the copper of a little girl’s terror stinging her mouth. As though still caught in the memory, she clawed at the softness under her fingers, the way she’d torn at the man’s wrist as he dragged her toward a pair of huge wooden doors.
Urine released from her bladder, soaking her legs and the softness in a wet gush, fear throttling her as effectively as a pair of hands. She could feel the warmth of her shame, smell her own death rising from the ammonia, and screamed again, “I’ll kill the rabbit!”
“No, you fucking won’t.” Weight pressed down on her, spreading over her back. Her flailing hands were captured, pinned to the softness she’d ruined. “Shush, bunny. I’ve got you. You’re here with me, Caera. It was just a bad dream. You’re safe here with me.”
Saul.
The frantic thrashing of her body ceased as she recognized him. His voice, his scent, his body. Heart pounding hard enough to break a rib, she sucked in a breath and almost threw up.
“Just take a minute, little rabbit. Fuck, I can feel your heart racing. Slow breaths, give yourself time to calm down. Scared the living shit out of me,” he muttered to himself, resting his forehead against her hair. “Never heard a scream like that before.”
There was no choice but to do as he asked. Fear still thrummed in her veins like electricity, but it was muted beneath the sound of his breathing, the quiet confidence in his voice.
