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“You’re very…open about it.”
“If more people talked about it, maybe less people would do it. Suicide isn’t the coward’s way out, the way so many like to think it is. It requires a great deal of pain and suffering to drive a person to consider ending what might be their only time to be, but it takes fucking guts to step off the ledge.” Jasper shrugged his shoulders. “I understand the pain you’re going through, and I can only think it will get worse as the memories come back and you realize what you’ve survived. But the reality you need to think about, Caera, is that you did survive it. In my eyes, you’re one of the luckiest women on the fucking planet, because you’ve done what so many haven’t. Not just that,” he continued, turning her face to the doorway, “but because you have a guy who thinks the sun shines out of your ass, and who’s already proven he will stick by your side no matter what shit from the past pops its ugly head up.”
Saul rested his hands on the doorjambs, leaning into the room without actually stepping foot inside. Hair tousled, his pants barely clinging on to his hips, he glowered at Jasper with those wonderful gray eyes.
“Think about what we’ve talked over, Caera. If you have more questions, you can ask me whatever you want, whenever you need to. But if you’re weighing up how much you’ve got left to live for, I’d bet if you stick him on the scales, you’ll find your way home without looking back down the path to the ledge.” Jasper patted her hands. “Thane and I have to go to work now, so the house will be empty for a couple of hours until Connie comes back. Make good use of the time alone.”
Blushing, Caera whispered, “Sex?”
“Well, that’s between you two, isn’t it?” He winked, then whispered back, “Connie keeps condoms in the top drawer of the right hand bedside table. Just…I find myself protective over my newfound baby sister, Caera. I never thought I’d be willing to die to protect my own blood, but I’ll make an exception for you. So if that jackass hurts you, you tell me and I will go big brother all over his sorry ass.”
To her surprise, she heard herself giggle. “Thank you, I guess?”
“Anytime, darling. Now go finish your waffles while I have a word with Saul, then I need to go do some work before my boss fires me.” Lifting her off his lap, Jasper stood and deposited her back in the armchair before scooting her plate over the table. “Welcome to the family, little sister.”
*
It was tempting to sock the sadist across the jaw, Saul mused with displeasure. His fist clenched against wood when Jasper walked away from Caera, his face set in stony lines, but he reined in his temper and reminded himself that Jasper was not only a friend—a friend engaged to another woman—but Caera’s brother.
“Outside,” Jasper muttered as he brushed past Saul. “Thane, would you mind staying with her while I talk to Saul?”
“Oh man, I miss all the good stuff.” Thane clapped Saul on the shoulder, then limped into the room, quietly closing the door behind him as Saul faced off with the sadist.
“Is she okay?” Saul demanded.
“Yes. Her memories are returning, so I advise you buckle in for a rough ride. I think it would be worth exploring suicide further, with Connie’s input. Don’t look at me as though I’m insane. If you treat it like a dirty little secret, then that is how she will see it. When she has a slip in that direction, she needs to be able to come to you without judgement and know it’s okay to tell you she’s struggling. Unless you make an effort to open the subject wide, she’ll crawl off into the dark and die alone.”
Saul’s heart withered at the edges. “Do you think she’s still liable to…”
“I’ll let you be the judge of that.”
“Christ, you sound more and more like Connie.”
“The woman does rub off on people that way.” Jasper sighed and leaned against the wall. “I’ve told Caera that Thane and I have to go to work, which is true. I have an idea to get Dominic to raise his weaselly little face out of whatever hole he’s hiding in. I’ve also told her where Con keeps the condoms in the guest bedroom, so I suggest you use them unless you want me to break your legs.”
His eyebrows catapulted toward his hairline. “Sex isn’t in my plans for today.”
“Then work it in. You both had a rough night, Saul. Caera is questioning her life, her past and her future. She needs affirmation that there is something to keep her going through all the shit that’s poised above her head, and you’re it.” Jasper narrowed his eyes. “You’re afraid of her.”
Indignance bloomed, then died as Saul blew out a tired breath. “Afraid of Caera? No. Not that she isn’t terrifyingly complex, but I’m not afraid of her. Whatever her past brings, I’m here. Am I afraid of hurting her, triggering her?” He huffed in disgust. “Yeah. She wants sex, and I can’t help but feel like I can destroy her with one wrong touch.”
“Bodie, Connie, Alicia. Three strong women who all have triggers when it comes to sex. Three amazing women who love their Doms and—through circumstances beyond their control—realized that life is too fucking short to worry about taking every-damn-thing slow.” Jasper shook his head. “Dominic and Rita aren’t people to take lightly, Saul. Look at what they put Anarchy through, what they intended to do to me. If they get wind of Caera’s existence, their focus is gonna aim straight at her, and Rita for sure will come at her with both barrels locked and fucking loaded. Time is never on our side.”
Saul’s gaze sharpened with fear. “Please tell me you’re not considering putting Caera’s name out there to draw in those fuckers.”
“It’s crossed my mind, but it’s not a step I’ll make without consulting her first. Right now, they’re out there, doing God knows what to some other poor kids, planning whatever their twisted minds can devise. Luring them in with something they both want might be the only way to reel them back to the States, Saul.” His friend reached out and patted him on the back. “Nothing happens without her consent, I promise you.”
Christ, would life ever stand still, just for a moment, so he could enjoy what he had before the world squashed it beneath its heel? Just a few seconds of basking was all he was asking for, but evidently, no one was listening.
Chapter Ten
Waiting was a horrible game.
Caera wasn’t alone, but her companion was being uncharacteristically quiet as he stretched his legs out in front of him. Taking tiny bites of cold waffle, she gave him a narrow stare. “What do you think they’re talking about out there?”
Amber eyes regarded her patiently. “I honestly don’t know. The weather, sports, maybe even Halloween. I bet Jasper is a devil when it comes to trick-or-treating. What do you think they’re talking about?”
She squished a chunk of waffle between her fingers. “Me, I guess.”
