Page 19 of Ruled Out


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This is what I wanted, right? For us to strictly have a player and coach relationship? Well, we’ve retreated to that, and I don’t feel any better about our situation. I still want her every damn day. I still think about what it would feel like to kiss her full lips and caress her smooth skin. It’s been a month, and my desire for her is stronger now than it was before.

Not only has she made it a point to avoid me, but she also seems to just be going through the motions at practice. We started working on fielding and batting a few weeks ago, and it’s evident her drive isn't here. Don’t get me wrong, Phoebe is a fantastic ball player. She rarely makes errors and is extremely smart on the field, but she looks completely miserable. Playing collegiate softball at a university like CCU should be a dream for any athlete, but for her, it just looks like a chore. I wish I knew what motivated her to keep playing, because it sure as hell isn't her own happiness.Is it a money issue?Maybe she really needs her athletic scholarship. Then again, the girl drives a Mercedes with leather seats, decked out with all the bells and whistles.

I’ve only been able to catch glimpses of her smile the few times herfriendColin has dropped her off for practice. She usually waves goodbye and gives him a soft smile, highlighting the dimple in her right cheek.

Colin.The dude pisses me the hell off. He’s such a pretty boy. I can tell he doesn't do it for Phoebe. He thinks he has a chance, but she’s too nice to tell him he doesn't. Has she kissed him?I hate that I even care.I can’t help it; the thought of his lips on hers enrages me.

“Hey, Knox! You need anything else before the big game?” Hugh hollers out from across the field, distracting me from my thoughts.

Hugh is in his seventies and has been helping to maintain the fields since he retired. He never misses a game. Everybody loves Hugh. He likes to help drag the infield before games, which helps to smooth out the dirt and makes the field look clean.

“Nope! Field looks great. No one does it better than you, Hugh,” I say, tipping my ball cap and waving as he heads towards his truck.

“Kick some ass tonight!” he calls out before driving off.

The fans will be arriving for our first preseason game in a couple of hours. It’s basically a scrimmage; it doesn't count towards our season record. Even though it’s not technically a real game, my nerves and excitement are through the roof. Tonight, I’ll get to see how the team truly interacts in a game setting. In my opinion, the purpose of preseason is to scope out what we need to work on for the games that do count.

I remember Coach Cook mentioning that CCU Softball always has the biggest fan turnout, even during preseason. The team has been working their asses off for the past month to prepare for today. Regardless of the numbers on the scoreboard, I’ll still be proud of them. I sure as hell hope we win, but ultimately, today is a learning opportunity, a chance to work out the kinks and grow as a team.

I check the field one last time before locking up. It looks clean, crisp, and ready for a ball game. I need to quickly run home, shower, and change before the team starts arriving for warm up.

“Well, here goes nothing,” I utter to myself, sending up a silent prayer for the team.

* * *

We’rein the top of the seventh inning, bases loaded with two outs. The sky has faded to black, lights beaming down on the field like spotlights. We’re up by one run, which means getting this last out is crucial if we want to win. Maisie is on the mound tonight, pitching a great game. My stomach turns as she winds up to throw her next pitch. If she walks this batter or they get a base hit, this game could be over for us. The stands are packed with quiet fans, silent in anticipation.

“Blue, timeout!” I call out to the umpire, making a ‘T’ with my hands. “Everyone in!” I yell out to the team.

Once the team is huddled around me at the pitcher’s mound, I lower my voice and give them a last-minute pep talk. “Y'all played a hell of a game tonight. Don’t lose your momentum now. Infield, let nothing get past you. Outfield, back up your infield and hustle - get to any balls that make it to the grass.”

I turn to Maisie, who has pitched her heart out. “Maisie, you’ve been in the zone tonight. Nothing changes now; just keep throwing like you have been and trust your team will back you up.” Maisie nods her head, wiping dirt off her face with her jersey.

“Alright, let’s finish this,” I say, clapping my hands together.

A few of the girls shout out “let’s go” and “we got this” as they disperse back to their positions. Minutes later, Maisie throws a beautiful curveball that the batter gets a hold of and crushes to right-center field.

“I got it, I got it, I got it!” I hear Phoebe yell from center field, letting right field know she fully intends to make the play.

She’s sprinting faster than I’ve ever seen her run, completely locked in on the task at hand. For a split second, I’m worried she’s not going to make it, but then she jumps and dives for the ball, catching it right before it hits the ground.

The crowd behind me roars and the team jumps up and down, running full speed towards Phoebe. Before she can pull herself up from the grass, the team surrounds her in a dog pile, chanting her name.Holy shit. Phoebe single handedly just saved this game for us.If she hadn’t made that catch, the other team would have easily scored two runs, putting them ahead.

After the post-game handshakes with the other team, Phoebe walks towards the dugout with her head down.

“Hey, kid. What a game! That catch was unbelievable,” I grin, giving her a congratulatory pat on the back.

Phoebe stops in her tracks. Her eyes widen, and she really looks at me for the first time in weeks. A sea of emotions swirl across her face, more than I’ve ever seen from her before. Her surprisingly melancholy gaze is full of ache, wrath, and sorrow. Her eyes seem hollow, like the life has been sucked out of her. After the game she just played, she should be ecstatic. I know she’s probably still pissed at me, but something else is clearly bothering her.

“Don’t call me that, and please, don’t touch me,” she says in a cold tone, brushing my hand from where it rests on her shoulder.Shit, I didn’t realize I was still touching her.Her eyes dart from my hand to my face, her expression a warning before she turns her head and walks away, like I don’t even exist to her.

* * *

An hour later,I’m the only one left on the field. Most of the girls stayed to take photos with their friends and family before leaving to enjoy the rest of the weekend. Today was an exciting day for the team. It was their first game wearing the official CCU uniform and playing as Division I athletes. Seeing their beaming smiles as they celebrated with their loved ones after the game made me remember why I love coaching.

After shutting off the lights, I make my way to the side gate to lock up. As I get closer to the gate, I swear I hear a light sniffle from inside the dugout. Squinting my eyes, I try to get a better view, but I can barely see in the darkness. The half-moon is my only source of light, painting the field in shadows. Completely forgetting about locking up, I walk towards the dugout to investigate the muffled sounds. The last thing I want to do is lock somebody in. I mean, they could definitely get out, but they would have to get their ass over the fence first.

As soon as I step foot in the dugout, I see the source of the noisesitting in the corner.Phoebe.My heart cracks in two as I take her in.

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