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“Just give it some time, and I promise he will come around. The people who really care always do.”
“The people who care always do.”
I’m slowly but surely learning that the people who want to be present in your life will put in the effort. That doesn't mean there won’t be bumps or roadblocks along the way; it just means that the people you love are worth fighting for. You learn through the hard times who will stick by your side and who will abandon your ship when the waters get rough. Nothing good in life comes easy, and I’m learning that lesson the hard way. Relationships require work. You can’t just give up on those you love when shit gets hard. Life is hard, but the beauty is thatyouget to choose who you want by your side for the ride.
Oh God. Knox. What the fuck have I done?
Abandoning my papers on the printer, I rush through the library doors and run across the courtyard, bumping into crowds of annoyed students.
“What the hell? Watch where you’re going,” a girl I accidentally hit yells out.
“Oh, you’ll live,” I yell back, continuing to swerve in and out of the flocks of students mingling in the courtyard. Honestly, I couldn’t care less who I piss off right now. I just need to get to my car. I need to tell my person that he means everything to me. I need to get tohim.
TWENTY-NINE
KNOX
My mental state has been shifting between misery, depression, and anger. I now know how Phoebe felt when I pushed her away time and time again.
Update: it’s fucking hell.
I’m angry at myself for ever putting her through this. I’m dying to reach out to her, but I know I need to give her time.
“I’m not going to ask you again. Please just get the fuck out.”
I’ll never forget the expression on her face when she uttered those words through clenched teeth. She looked so hopeless. Her eyes were bloodshot from crying, and her bottom lip was quivering as she tried to keep it together until I left. I can’t imagine how scared and confused she felt in that moment.
Fuck, I feel like such a dick for what I did to Corbin, but I blacked out when he shoved her. The red mark on her arm made me lose my fucking mind. I know he was trying to get her out of the way to get to me. It’s clear he loves Phoebe and never intended to hurt her, but my protectiveness kicked in and all bets were off. He can swing at me all he wants, but touching Phoebe like that is off limits.That was my breaking point.
I have no idea how I’m going to face Phoebe at practice this week. I know I need to apologize for what happened, but I don’t know how to do it without reaching for her or telling her how much I miss her. I can never go back to just being her coach. That ship sailed the second she let me inside her body. I’ve considered putting in my resignation multiple times over the past few days. I’ve even rehearsed how I would deliver the news to the athletic director. I just can’t see how I can go on seeing Phoebe every day for the next four years. Who knows, maybe it’s the torture I deserve for falling in love with one of my athletes.
I’ve gotten a few calls back inquiring about interviews for coaching jobs I applied to in the area. My plan was to tell Phoebe the good news over dinner, before Corbin showed up and the entire day went to shit. Scratch that, my entire world crumbled.
One of the employers was a representative from Coral Cove Community College. A vast majority of the students who attend the community college are students who didn’t get into CCU. The athletes playing ball at a junior level college could only dream to play at a university like CCU one day. It would be beyond rewarding to help turn their dreams into a reality. As much as I enjoy coaching at CCU, many of the students are entitled or had their admission handed to them through money or connections. I want to find a job where I feel fulfilled every day. I want to make a real difference.
Thankfully, Dan’s in town today and asked if I wanted to catch up. I don’t just plan to confide in him about my coaching dilemma, but also my relationship with Phoebe. I’m fully prepared for him to be pissed and a little disappointed, but I’m also in dire need of his advice.
Dan should be arriving any minute now. I offered to take him out to lunch, but he insisted we meet at my house. I have a gut feeling he has something serious he wants to discuss with me. Maybe he just doesn't want to deal with being bombarded at a restaurant. Coach Cook is basically a celebrity here.
My doorbell rings, pulling me from my thoughts. Looking through the peephole, I see Dan standing on the other side of the door as a big smile stretches across my face.Damn, it’s so good to see him.
“Well, shit! How is it possible that you get taller every time I see you, even in your thirties? You look great, son,” Dan greets right as I open the door, pulling me in for a hug and giving me a firm pat on the back.
I wish I could say the same, but he looks significantly different from the last time I saw him, and not in a good way. Dark circles sit beneath his eyes, his cheeks have sunken in dramatically, and his silver hair has thinned, almost to the point of balding. I’m so used to seeing him with a full smile and a few extra pounds. It’s alarming how different he looks.
“Dan, I can’t even begin to tell you how good it is to see you! Come in,” I add, motioning my hand inside and closing the door behind him. “Do you want anything to drink? I have water and coffee. I can make a pot of tea if you’d like.”
“Nah, I’m good. Thank you, though. I really just want to get off my feet. I’m feeling extra tired these days,” he replies, sounding out of breath.
“Where do you want to sit? We can talk at the dining table or the couch. Your choice, old man,” I lightheartedly joke.
“The couch is good. Old men like me need the extra padding,” he grunts with a chuckle.
“Ah, you know I’m just messing with you. You’re far from old. I can only hope to have the energy you do when I’m your age,” I add, taking a seat on the couch beside him.
“Well, I definitely haven't felt like myself lately. I’m sure you noticed I’m not looking as handsome as I usually do,” he laughs.
“You’re really talking yourself up today, Dan,” I say as my eyes crinkle with laughter.
