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THE PRESENT
HARLEY
We had a nice family Christmas. My grandparents visited. Jackson took us all to a hockey game. Aunt Cass got kicked out of said game for getting handsy with a player. She is legitimately the craziest person that I know.
I’ve watched Mom fall madly in love over the past four months. For over three years, she was stuck in a depression, mourning the love of her life. Somehow, she pulled herself out and found love again. I guess Jackson really pulled her out, but nonetheless, she’s out, she’s in love, and she’s happy. I wouldn’t be surprised if they get married.
Yet here I am, over three years since the night I met Brody, and over two years since I’ve last seen him, and I haven’t moved on. I’ve been stuck in the same place for all this time.
The fact that I know he still exists out there is messing with my head. I think I must have loved him. That’s the only explanation for my inability to move on. I’m so confused.
It’s New Year’s Eve. I decided to come by myself to the Jersey shore. I need some time alone. Away from the hospital. Away from my family. Away from my friends.
My phone rings. It’s Reagan.
“Hey there.”
“Hey, sis. Are you coming out with us tonight?”
“No, I came down the shore.”
“Is there a party down there? Who are you with?”
“No, I’m by myself. I’m at Megan’s family’s house. They’re not using it.”
“You’re alone? On New Year’s Eve?”
“Yes.”
“Harley, what’s wrong with you? Talk to me. Please.”
“I need to sort through some things in my head. I promise we’ll talk soon.” I have tears welling in my eyes. “Reagan, I’ve got to go.”
“Harley. You’re scaring me. Are you okay?”
“No, but I will be. I’m just about to go for a walk on the beach.”
“It’s like thirty-five degrees out.”
“I’m bundled up. Have a great night.”
“Okay. I’ll see you at Sunday night dinner, if not before then.”
“Yes. Happy New Year.”
“You too, sis.”
I walk on the beach for over an hour. I’m just thinking about the events of the past few years, and all that I’ve given up to finally have this title of doctor. Brody’s handsome face pops into my mind. What could have been? I’m not sure it was worth it. I’m not happy. I’m not fulfilled.
Dad was right. I haven’t lived my life at all. I’ve lived to become a doctor, and now that I am, I still don’t feel happy. I don’t do anything besides work. I rarely have fun. I don’t date. I’m a mess.
I’m officially determined to make a change. I pushed Brody away. Far away. My New Year’s resolution is going to be to allow myself to meet someone. To really put myself out there. To be open to something new. To take a risk on something that might make me happy. I know I’ve said it before, but I mean it now. I can’t go on like this.
My head is down, and I’m not paying attention to the people I pass when I hear a familiar voice. “Harley, is that you?”
I look up and see Brody. It can’t be. I must be hallucinating. My heart rate picks up. I blink my eyes several times to make sure I’m really seeing him. “Brody?” He smiles. Oh, that smile. That chin. That dimple. I feel it in my whole body.
I need to keep it together. “I thought you were in Sweden?”
