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“I won’t tell Mrs. Bible about it if you won’t.”
“She was a lot, right?” He smirks at me. “It wasn’t just me?”
“No. She was a lot. But I think that’s in her job description.”
His head jockeys conciliatorily.
“Night, Ladybug.” He kisses Katy’s forehead and then the tip of her nose as he tucks her in, making sure the blanket is high up on her shoulders, and I force myself to look away. Trying not to grow emotionally attached to them is the equivalent of standing before the firing squad and hoping not to get hit.
He turns on her night-light and then he’s leading me out of her bedroom, right into his with a firm grasp on my hand. He walks me toward the bed until the backs of my knees hit the mattress and bend, forcing me to sit.
He kneels before me, putting us at eye level. “I’m not sure what I have the right to ask and what I don’t. This situation I’ve put us in is precarious. It’s a lie. A lie I’ve sucked you into. I know that. You haven’t asked for anything from me, and I’m asking for everything from you. But fuck, Layla, I don’t know how to talk to you anymore.”
His hands run through his hair. He’s out of sorts, but so honest in how he speaks, it unsettles me.
“I know.”
He shakes his head as if I’m not getting it. “I felt like we were in a good place and then you flipped a switch the moment you moved in here. If I did something or said something wrong, I need you to tell me. Because Mrs. Bible is coming three more times. And tonight didn’t go well.” His lips flatten into a thin line and he levels me with a look I can’t ignore. “I’m scared this will all come crashing down on me and I’ll lose Katy.”
Staring into his oh-so-blue eyes, I reach up and run my fingers through his hair, feeling the soft, thick strands. I’m touching him and I shouldn’t be, but I’ve missed him. I have. He’s right. We used to be able to talk about anything it felt like, and then I ruined it all.
“You won’t lose Katy. I got…” I lick my lips searching for the right word. I don’t want Callan to know I’m fighting feeling something with him and how that’s affecting me. “Spooked,” I finish. “You put that ring on my finger and I moved in here and it all happened so fast. Then that same morning, Patrick showed back up at school equipped with his favorite mind games and it was too much. It just sent me over the edge.”
His expression darkens and his hands move to my thighs, holding them firmly, almost possessively. “What sort of mind games?”
I shake my head, waving that off. I shouldn’t have mentioned that. I don’t want to talk—or think about Patrick. I just want to move on, but that was the tipping point for me with Callan and all this.
“It’s nothing. I dealt with it, and I’m hoping he’s gone from my life for good this time. You’re my professor and a quasi-boss at work, but I care about you, and I care about Katy, and I had to figure out how to balance all that. I thought creating space here would be the answer, but it wasn’t and I’m sorry. I didn’t go about it the right way.”
“Why didn’t you say anything to me?” He squeezes my thighs, imploring me.
“Because you already have enough on your plate without me adding to it and the problem was my own to deal with.”
“Yes, but it’s easier if I know what’s going on in your pretty head because then maybe I can help. I want to help you, Layla. You’re doing so much for me, and I don’t want you suffering from this in any way. We have three months left on this gig. Can you do this with me in an honest and open way?”
My nails scrape up his scalp and his eyes close for a moment, his lips parting. It shouldn’t be this easy or this comfortable to touch each other, but it is. Even the talking is easy. He’s so… rational. And smart. And passionate. And sexy. And fun. And caring. And just… good.
He’s all the things, checks every box, and every time I see him, I’m reminded of that.
I’m reminded that he’s the sort of man I want for my future. I’m just not ready for him yet. If this were five years from now, I’d fall into his bed—and into his heart—and I wouldn’t hesitate or think twice about it.
But for now…
“Yes,” I tell him. “I can do this with you.” This time I mean it.
23
“One, two, three, go!” Layla squeals and both she and Katy scramble to flip and set the turret-shaped mold before half the sand it’s filled with pours out. Layla shifts it ever so slightly so that it’s beside the main part of the castle, and then she pats the top of it. She looks at Katy. “Ready?”
Katy nods firmly. “Ready. Can I do it?”
Layla scoots back a little, giving Katy more room to work. “Go for it, babe. Slide it off slowly and let’s see how we did.”
Katy crouches up onto her knees, her entire body caked in sand. Using both hands, she slowly pulls the mold straight up, and there is the other turret of the castle, perfect except for one small missing chunk of sand.
Katy beams a smile. “We should have brought my princess figurines. That way they could live in the castle.”
“Oh, that’s a good call. Next time for sure. Right?” Layla checks with me as I pretend to read my book instead of watching them play and dig and create in the sand.
