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“What does that even mean—us?”
That pisses me off something fierce. “Is it because of Katy?”
Maybe that’s it. Maybe it’s that I come with a kid.
Hurt flashes in her eyes. “Fuck you, Callan. It’s not because of Katy—I adore her. Yes, living with a six-year-old has been an adjustment. Yes, I have to watch my mouth and play house a bit, but I see myself in her eyes and it only makes me want to hold onto her tighter.”
“Then what is it?!” I snap, desperation clawing at me because I knew better.
Part of me knew better.
The woman told me point blank she didn’t want to fall in love again. She wasn’t baiting me to challenge that. She meant it and I didn’t care, but now look at us. I forced this on her. I was impatient and rash—two things I hardly ever am and only seem to be with her—and now here we are.
“Why won’t you talk to me?” I soften my tone, only to flip the switch with my next breath. “Please, just give me something.” I sigh as I crowd her again. “Is it because of Patrick? Because of what happened with him?”
“I’m not in love with Patrick.” Her words clip out, her expression blazing. “But I’m still scared because of him. How does this not end in disaster? Tell me?”
I clutch her shoulders because it feels like she just gave me something. My face drops so we’re inches apart, and finally, her watery and beautiful eyes lock with mine.
“I am not him, Layla.” My voice shakes with sincerity. “I’m not. Do you know the difference between a man and a boy?” I question.
My body presses into hers, forcing her to feel me, to see me.
“What?” she whispers.
“Games. I don’t play them. I’m not insecure or lacking in ego. I don’t expect you to fall at my feet or pine after me. Nor do I want that. He played with you because it made him feel powerful to do so and fed a weakling of an ego. I wouldn’t dare. Do you know what I find to be the sexiest thing about you?”
She swallows, her eyes searching mine in rapid, manic flicks.
“How irresistible you are to me. You’re fierce and brave and smart and unpredictable. But I don’t need to cage you and I don’t need to tame you. I don’t expect anything more from you than what you’re willing to give me. I’ve been nothing short of honest with you. Do I want you? You know I do. Do I love you?” I blow out a harsh breath, holding her chin in my hand. “Fuck, Layla, I’m going to love you forever. But I am not him!”
“I’m scared,” she says, her voice breaking as more tears overflow her eyelids.
“I know, baby. You’re worried about what being with me means for your life. I have Katy and I pray that’s not temporary. It’s a lot. We’re a lot. But it doesn’t scare me because when I’m with you, I feel like we can do anything.”
“Callan—” She shakes her head again, trying to stop me.
I press in against her, frenzied, needing her to hear me. “No, Layla. Please. Give yourself a moment to imagine the irresistibly wild notion that I could be right for you, and you could be right for me, and we could be it for each other.”
“You broke the arrangement. You said you wouldn’t fall in love.”
“I never agreed I wouldn’t fall in love with you. I just didn’t argue when you told me you wouldn’t.”
I sigh, and then give her the only truth I have left.
“Being with me doesn’t mean you have to lose yourself. It doesn’t mean you have to give up on anything. Being with me is an adjunct. A bonus. It means you have someone else in your corner cheering you on and helping you to not only succeed but to win. Do you not see that? Do you not see how incredible I think you are? How one of the things I love most about you is your drive and determination and brilliance? This doesn’t have to be all or nothing, Layla. You can have me, and you can have medical school, and residency, and a career after that.”
She’s breathing hard, her hand on her chest. “Tell me what happens now.”
“That’s up to you. I already told you I don’t expect more than you’re willing to give.”
She contemplates this for a long moment. So long in fact, that I sort of die a thousand times over while she decides if she’s going to kick me to the curb or not.
Finally, she whispers, “I like you. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t and I’m not saying never to all of this. I’d be a fool to say that to you because you’re everything, Callan.” She pushes off the wall and then stands before me, in my shirt and little else, gazing at me in a way that quickens my pulse. “You are everything I want and deserve in a man, and so much more. I’d love to throw caution to the wind and ride this wave and see where it leads me because that’s sort of how I roll. I think Patrick fucked me up a bit more than I realized. I’m saying yes to this, Callan, because I want it and I want you, but I’m also asking if we can take it slow?” Her hand finds my jaw, her fingers grazing up along my stubbled chin.
I belt out an incredulous laugh. “Slow? We can take it as slow as you’d like.” I smirk as her fingers touch my lips. “I thought you were going to tell me to fuck off.”
Her fingers glide up my face and into my hair. “Not a chance.”
