AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Hunter,” he shouted again.
He heard heavy footsteps, and the door jerked open, his brother still buttoning his pants. “What the hell?”
“Am I interrupting something?”
“Yeah,” his brother said, crossing his arms over his chest. “You are.”
“Sorry.” He pushed his way inside anyway.
“I don’t think you understand how sacred morning sex is, Gus. The amount of times I have actually... You’re not okay, are you?”
“No,” Gus said.
He stood and looked at his younger brother, and felt about a thousand years old.
“What’s up?” Hunter asked.
“She asked me to love her. And I don’t know how.”
The look in Hunter’s eyes, the pity, hurt, but he had to stand there and take it because he was pitiable right now and even he had to admit it.
“Well, that’s bullshit. You’ve been loving her for years.”
The words just about knocked him flat. “What?”
“You look after her. You protect her. You want her more than you want any other woman. You’ve been faithful to her. You were there for her when she needed you most. You’ve been loving her this whole time.”
He felt like he’d been shocked by a live wire.
He’d loved her.
All along.
From pulling her out of the pond, to seeing her standing at the lake.
Loved her as a protector.
Loved her as a man.
He hadn’t realized.
“Well...What the fuck?”
Hunter put his hand on Gus’s shoulder. “It isn’t that you don’t love her. It’s that you’re just so damn guarded.” He patted him twice, and moved away from him again.
“I don’t know how not to be.”
“Yeah, I know. It’s tough. But...here’s what I know. What I know, Gus, is that you can’t stay safe and be in a relationship. You’ve gotta put it all out there. You’ve gotta be willing to be vulnerable. And I think you’re close. I think the love part is there. But you’re real difficult to pin down, buddy. And it’s hard to feel... It’s hard to get a read on what you feel. She needs more than that. She needs more than that, and you can’t blame her. She needs feelings, some flowers and all that. And mostly, she needs your heart. Because love’s no good if you’re just holding it inside of you and not sharing it. Believe me when I tell you, I get it. I get how hard it is. She left us. I blamed myself. You probably blame yourself. Hell, we probably all do. It’s probably a roulette wheel of self-loathing. Because it’s a vicious cycle. Not wanting to be like Dad, feeling angry at her. It’s not simple. But you have to tell her what you want. Then you have to show her. What you feel.”
“But what I feel is a damn mess,” Gus said.
“So, give her the mess.”
“But...”
And he realized that all of this was about never being disappointed again. All of it was about not being vulnerable again.
Because he was still that little boy holding those army men, whether he kicked them off to the side or not. Because he was still damaged. Whether he wanted to admit it or not, because he had once wanted someone to love him so much that they would upend their lives to be with him. He had loved his mother. And she had never come back for him.
