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“We always did the dishes. Us girls,” she said, picking up a dishcloth and starting to dry. “And we used to sing. My dad was in the living room with the paper, and my mom would sit there with her romance novel. And then he left. He started a new life. Without us. Like our life didn’t matter. And we kept doing the dishes, but Mom stopped reading romance novels. Of course, at that point, I had started reading them. So, I stole them. And sneaked them off to my room. I can’t really blame her. For stopping. But I wanted to believe in something that had a happy ending.” She looked like she was off somewhere distant, and she blinked rapidly. “Do you ever feel that way? Like you just need to believe that things will be okay?”
“No. I’ve never really thought that way. In terms of okay and not okay. There were times when I just thought in terms of...surviving. Surviving the life that we had. It was a hell of a thing. With my dad.”
“Yeah. I’m sorry. It’s not the same.”
“It’s bad enough. To believe that someone’s on your side and have them leave... It’s a terrible feeling.”
“That’s what your mom did. To you. To all of you.”
“It’s complicated. And I do have sympathy for her.”
“She shouldn’t have left you behind. You were just a kid, Gus. She shouldn’t have left you all behind.”
“Maybe not,” he said, his throat tightening up against the words. Words he needed to say. Words he needed to feel, even though something in him wanted to push them back. Erase them. Deny them. “What she did... And I think she felt like she had to. At least some of the time. I think she felt like... I think she felt like there would be no escaping him if she took his sons. And hell, I know that Hunter feels responsible for her leaving. But he was a monster, Alaina. He would’ve killed her. Eventually. She had to make the break that she could. And I don’t judge that. I don’t. I can’t.”
“But?”
“There’s no but,” he said, feeling his chest hitch with it.
“I think there might be.”
“Sometimes I wish she’d come back. That’s all. Sometimes...” That tightness got almost impossible to speak around and he tried to cough and push it away.
His mother had been a victim of domestic violence. That was it.
“It’s great that Tag and Nelly are having a baby,” she said. Rescuing him from the moment, and he was grateful for it.
“Yeah. I’m sorry... I’m sorry this hasn’t beenthatfor you.”
She blinked. “What do you mean?”
“They just seem so excited.”
“I’m getting there,” she said. “Really. I am.”
“Good.”
And then he really needed to get the hell away from her, and thankfully that came to a head when he finished washing the last dish. “I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Yeah,” she said. “I’ll see you.”
And then he walked back upstairs, and straight into the shower. Cold.
And stood under the water until his body was numb, and so was his chest.
Because that distance was essential.
And he needed to find it.
CHAPTER EIGHT
THENEXTDAYAlaina spent the afternoon helping with minor barn renovation. They were choosing new floors and all kinds of fun things.
And one of the things they decided on was to do punched tin on some of the cabinets. And they had them all set out on a worktable, with designs prestenciled on. And Alaina had spent much of the afternoon happily punching.
It was a fun project, with just a little bit of creativity, but easy enough to let her mind wander. Also, it was mildly violent, which soothed something in her.
Of course, her mind kept wandering to Gus. And she was entirely a tangle of confusion where he was concerned. Because she’d had that moment where she’d seen him without his shirt, all dripping wet and...well, sexy. And then he’d come in and helped her with dishes. And there had been this profound sadness in his eyes when he’d talked about his mother.
