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“Yeah.”
“That’s...that’s unexpected, but it’s... That’s wonderful.”
Well. Maybe her mom would be more interested in her now. Now that she was having a baby. Maybe that was the problem. She just couldn’t bring herself to be interested in her adult daughters’ lives.
“Yeah. I’m due in May. So.”
“We’ll all be sure to come out, honey. If you want.”
“Really?”
“Yes.”
“I... I’m honestly surprised. I didn’t know that you... You didn’t call me when you found out I was getting married.”
“You didn’t call me when you got engaged.”
And there was a lot that Alaina could say about how maybe a kid shouldn’t be in charge of all the communication with her parents. But she realized that maybe with her mom she might need to be a little bit more in charge. Whether she thought it was right or not.
And here she was, having the conversation. Not running.
At least something good had come from today. The realization over breakfast hadn’t come to nothing.
“I didn’t think you’d be interested.”
“I’m interested,” her mom said. There was a long pause. “Alaina, I don’t like to talk about your dad. But when he left me... When I found out that he wasn’t who he always said he was. First of all I found out he was dishonest in his dealings with Levi Granger. He took advantage of a kid who’d just lost his parents and I was furious about that. Then I found out he wasn’t faithful to me. He didn’t want to stay with me forever... I could never look at that ranch the same way again. I could never just be there, not again. I felt like everything that we built our life on was a lie. I didn’t just question the last six months of our marriage, I questioned everything. And I tried. I tried to keep it together for you. For you girls. But I couldn’t live in the house. Not anymore. Fia was so bound and determined to make Four Corners more profitable and to make Sullivan’s work better for you girls. And I didn’t feel like I could sell it. Not when the McCloud boys were doing so much work after everything they’d been through, and the Kings...”
“What about the Kings?”
“Nothing. It’s just... I didn’t feel like I could risk anything by selling. And I knew that Fia didn’t want me to. I left. I chose Hawaii because it was so different. And exotic and faraway and I thought I just wouldn’t have to sit in all those bad feelings anymore. If I could just be in paradise, then it would feel like paradise all the time.”
And Alaina felt that echo uncomfortably inside of her. Particularly as she sat there in her own hurt.
And hurt her own rationale for so many things repeated back to her.
“Has it worked?”
“A lot of the time. The problem is, I miss you, but I don’t know how to be there, and be with all of you without...without there being pain. But I want to be there for the birth of my grandchild.”
Alaina wondered how her sisters would feel about that. Another difficult conversation to be had, no doubt.
“I hope you will be. I’ll try to do better at calling between now and then.”
“Have you...have you told your father?”
“No. Maybe he’ll find out when we send the Christmas card.”
Her mother paused for a moment. “You don’t have to be bitter at him just because I am.”
Of course it never occurred to her mom that Alaina might be bitter at her too.
“Oh, he earned direct bitterness from me. It was the abandonment. At a critical point in my childhood.”
“Well. That is fair.”
Alaina swallowed hard. “Mom, I love you. I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m scared.”
“Of course you’re scared,” her mom said. “Mothers are always scared. The whole time. I’m still scared. I’m scared that you’re pregnant. I’m sorry that I’ve...that I’ve done such a bad job keeping in touch with you. That I’d let my own issues get in the way. And none of it goes away. It doesn’t go away when your baby is twenty-four.”
