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We drove through the traffic and I watched the city go by in a daze. I had no idea what I'd be facing when I got back to the apartment. I rummaged through my purse for my cell phone and was tempted to listen to his voice mails. Losing my nerve, I figured walking into this blind was probably preferable.
The taxi pulled to a stop in front of the apartment building and I absently shoved money at the driver. Drawing in a deep breath, I flung my purse over my shoulder and walked up to the building, nodding wordlessly at the doorman who opened the door for me. I passed an attractive couple getting out of the elevator as I was getting on and I nervously pressed the eight button.
Smoothing my hair, I took a deep breath when the elevator doors opened on our floor. I headed towards our apartment and gripped the doorknob lightly, startled to find it unlocked. Gradually opening the door, I walked in to find every light turned off. My vision was sharper than before and I navigated easily through the darkness, closing the door and finding the counter to place my purse and keys on.
"Stefan?" I called out. My voice sounded louder than normal in the quiet apartment. Anxiously pushing my hair behind my ear, I stood quietly, listening for any sounds. "Stefan? Are you here?
A light switched on by one of the armchairs closest to the windows. Stefan glared at me through narrowed eyes, his large frame slouched over in the chair, his fingers strumming restlessly against his muscular thighs. His lips were pressed into a thin line, his blond hair ruffled from his hands running through it.
"Do you have any idea how worried I have been, Josephine? I leave the room for a moment and you run from me. I call you dozens of times and you ignore me. Explain what the fuck you think you were doing?" Stefan asked. The accent in his voice was more pronounced, but he had no inflection in his voice. He sounded exhausted, like he'd been up for days.
Nervously rubbing the toe of my boot against the wood floor, I looked out the windows, over his head.
"I can only imagine what you were going through. I'm so sorry, Stefan. I just freaked out and I ran," I mumbled. "It's not an excuse. I was stupid. "
"You ignored my calls and spoke with Anna though," he muttered angrily. "After your confrontation with your father today, you run off and I have no idea where to find you. If I lost you. . . . fuck!"
He slammed his fist against the arm of the chair and I heard the wood crack under the impact of his hand. He rose to his full six-foot-four inch height and crossed the room to loom over me. He looked down at me, his blue eyes filled with agony.
"Stefan, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. " Tears spilled over my cheeks and I covered my face with my hands, my shoulders shaking with my gasping sobs.
"Go to bed, Josephine. I cannot talk to you anymore about this tonight. " Stefan turned and walked to the sofa. He stretched across it and his gaze fixed on the windows in front of him. His body was tense, his face expressionless.
"Stefan," I began.
"No! I said go to bed. Nothing good will come from our discussion tonight. There are some things that are better left unsaid. " He didn't look at me and his sharp words stung like tiny knives into my heart.
Fighting the urge to go to his side, I headed down the hallway into our bedroom. I kicked off my boots and stripped off my jeans and shirt, leaving them in a heap on the floor. Crawling into bed, I turned off the light. As I hugged his pillow to my chest, I was wondering if I'd finally pushed him away for good. If I did, I only had myself to blame.
* * *
The sun was rising when I awoke. Flipping over on my back, I gasped when I saw Stefan sitting on the side of the bed, leaning forward with his head in his hands. His clothes were wrinkled and his handsome face looked weary.
"Hey," I whispered. I wanted so badly to touch him, but I was too afraid he'd leave.
"Hey," he repeated. His deep voice was husky and sounded tired.
"Stefan, I shouldn't have run last night. I should have talked to you. I freaked out and didn't think. " I plucked at the comforter with my fingers. Glancing up at him, I reached out and covered his hand with mine. "I'm sorry. If I could go back and do it over again, I would. I'll never run again. "
He squeezed my hand and pulled it away to trace the pendant around my neck. "You are still afraid, vackr
a. "
"Of course I'm afraid. Everything I thought I knew has been turned upside down. Not to mention I don't always handle change well. " I grabbed his hand and held it against my chest. "This is my screwed up mind you're dealing with. I'm afraid of losing you, Stefan. I'm afraid Kian will try to kill me or worse, kill you. "
"I will never leave you, Josephine," he assured me. "No relationship is perfect and I have told you time and time again that we are in this together. You cannot just run off and not talk to me. "
"I know. I guess I needed time to think and I didn't go about it in the right way. "
"I thought you had left me, Josephine. " He lay down beside of me with his head on my pillow, our heads touching. His fingertips lightly stroked my face and his eyes swept over my face, as if committing it to memory.
"I wouldn't leave you, Stefan. I just needed to leave reality for awhile. I had a few cups of espresso at Chelsea Market. "
He offered me a weak smile. "You were in a coffee shop in Chelsea? You drowned your sorrows in over-priced tiny cups of coffee?"
I nodded and huddled against his broad chest, which was now as warm against me.
"You befuddle me, Josephine," he sighed softly. "No more running from me. You not only ran from Kian, vackra. You ran from what we have. " He gestured between us, raising his eyebrows sternly.
