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I loved him for attempting to lighten the mood. I just found it hard to be jovial when my friend's life was dangling by a slowly unraveling thread.
"Come. They will start to wonder what happened to us. It is time for us to smile and act like nothing is amiss. "
We walked hand in hand back to rejoin my friends, vaguely noticing that Stefan and I both wer
e wearing the same grin Georgia had been displaying earlier. On the surface, it appeared like we didn't have a care in the world, but it covered our fear and concerns. We were suddenly the actors in our world of secrets, smiling widely to hide the truth.
My unintentional crash course tonight gave me an understanding of what it was to be immortal. You had to learn to blend in with humans; mimic their laughter, their happiness, and their smiles. Yet you were always on guard, watching and anticipating when a human would put the pieces together and figured out your true nature. How had Stefan lasted almost 1,000 years and still maintained any humanity? It was frustrating and I'd only just now realized what my life was going to become.
"Yes. " Stefan's mind entered mine and interrupted my thoughts. "This is your life now as well. "
He was right. Thanks to my parents, I was dealt a bad hand and I had no other option but to play this game beside of him, smiling, calculating, watching, and staying vigilant. I was an immortal oddity, my blood neither entirely human or vampire.
Conversations went on around me and I nodded and laughed in all the right places. I drank, ate and watched as the festivities went on around me. I wasn't really here with them. I'd retreated to a corner of my mind where I observed and thought, figuring out the next move of what had rapidly become a very complicated life.
Georgia and Anna finally were going through the motions of gathering their things together to leave. They pulled me into a group hug and I was reassured to feel both of their emotions filled with affection and sadness. Maybe the old Georgia was still there, underneath it all.
"I'll miss you both," I sputtered as I embraced them both.
"Don't you dare avoid my calls," Georgia warned. She leaned back to look in my eyes, lifeless for a moment until they sparkled again. She seemed to be operating on a 10 second delay.
"Josie, I'll call you tomorrow. You still need to sign paperwork to list your house," Anna said, tugging Georgia along with her out the door. They stood in the doorway and turned to look back at me. Georgia crooked her fingers in a small wave and Anna winked at me. When they disappeared into the Bali night, I let out the breath I'd been holding all night.
"This is it, isn't it?" I said aloud. Stefan and Lukas flanked me on both sides as we watched their departure.
"For their sake it has to be, Josie," Lukas replied. He placed his hand on my shoulder and squeezed it affectionately. "The sooner you let them go, the easier it is for you and for them. This is the hardest part. After 50 years or so, this won't be so difficult. "
Lukas' words ricocheted in my head. In 50 years I'd be 78 and I'd appear just as I look now, living a life surrounded my immortal creatures. Attempting to be human, struggling to fit in.
Unreal.
"Is it still worth it?" Stefan's soft voice questioned me. I turned to face him and saw the worry that lined his handsome face. He was still afraid at any moment I'd run and come to hate the life I had in front of me. What could I do? I had no choice but to live my life. I hadn't chosen it any more than Stefan had chosen to be turned that cold spring night as he lay dying on a funeral pyre almost 1,000 years ago.
"For you, it's worth it," I replied, leaning into his embrace. Stefan sighed contentedly against my hair and pulled me closer.
"God, you two make me sick. An eternity of this mush. If I could vomit I would right now," Lukas groaned and flitted off.
Stefan chuckled at Lukas' disgusted departure. He let go of me long enough to retrieve a blanket from a closet. "I have something to show you. Come with me. "
My curiosity roused, I followed along. I'd learned that Stefan's surprises were usually worth investigating.
* * *
Stefan's surprise had been worth it. We'd been laying on the beach, looking at the stars and listening to the waves as we alternately kissed and whispered to each other. It was nice to be alone, away from the worries and drama from the evening. Our connection was soothing, a comforting bond that made everything easier to handle.
"Our last night in Bali," Stefan said. He sat up on the blanket he'd spread across the sand and pulled me to sit along beside him. Our eyes met and he stared lovingly at me. I found myself unable to look away from the depths of his blue eyes, glittering brightly in the moonlight.
"Yes. And I get to spend it with you," I replied softly. I couldn't imagine ever spending a night apart from him now. We were forged together irrevocably, two parts of a whole.
A smile broke over his handsome face, revealing his even white teeth. He glanced to stare at the ocean for a moment, his blond hair shining in the darkness. His profile was glorious with his deep set eyes and the strong line of his jaw. When he turned back to look at me, I knew I could look at him a million times and it would always be like that first night we met.
"We have many more to spend together. I have thousands of nights to make love to you. I lived a half-life until I met you on the beach that night. I thought it fitting that we end our time here the way we began," Stefan murmured. His thoughts mirrored my own and we met half way for a slow kiss.
His mind opened up to me and I saw myself through his eyes. He looked past all of my imperfections and only saw the good and the beauty in me. It wasn't possible to feel more wanted and loved than I did in this small moment in time, leaving me in awe of this creature that always saw more in me than I dared to see in myself. I wasn't sure what I had ever done to deserve his love.
"Follow me. "
Stefan got to his feet and took my hand, leading me to the edge of the water that was sweeping across the deserted stretch of beach. We stood silently, our hands intertwined as we listened to the erratic tempo of the ocean hitting the sand.
