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“Right. Sure.” She crosses her arms over her chest and looks away as her green eyes glisten.
“What I regret most is that I pulled Fulton into my lies. You should be angry at me, not him.”
“Oh, I’ve got enough anger for you both,” she says with her gaze lowered to the ground.
“Lyla, that’s not you. You’re not…”
“My psycho father’s daughter?” she snaps.
“You’renothinglike that son of a bitch,” I tell her firmly. “And I’m sorry I thought you could be anything but the perfect, beautiful girl you are despite growing up without your mother and with a shitty father like me.”
“She didn’t really die in a bar fight, did she?” she asks softly.
Fuck. Guess it’s all coming out now. “How did you know?”
“Calvin mentioned it before…before Barrett killed him. He said Mom wrote him a letter forgiving him, telling him she was going to take her life.”
That son of a bitch is still haunting me from his grave. “I wish I could have seen that letter. Wish I had known what…” I shake my head, at a loss for words. “But I’ve got no one to blame but myself,” I admit. “She did die from a head trauma. It was just one that she gave herself. It was all my fault. I thought she was getting better, that what he did wasn’t haunting her as much after you were born. I should’ve known that pain would never end. I should’ve got her help. Your mama thought…she didn’t think I still loved her, even though I told her every day and night I loved her more every second of my life.”
“I’m sorry, Dad.” Lyla’s cringe when she calls me “Dad” fucking guts me.
“I’m not telling you this shit to get sympathy,” I explain, ignoring how much it hurts for her to think of me as anything other than her father for now. “I’m telling you because you deserve the truth. Hell, I told myself, ‘She’s too young,’ or ‘I don’t want to hurt her,’ but the truth was I didn’t want to hurt myself by dragging it all out again. I know how heavy it is, and I just couldn’t face putting it on you.”
“It never occurred to you that sharing with me might have, I don’t know, lightened your burden? Might have helped explain a lot of things, the way you’ve treated me, for instance?” she asks.
“No. It never occurred to me that sharing with you how your mother died would somehow be helpful! It’s haunted me for twenty years, Lyla. How was I supposed to just dump it on you?”
“So, what changed your mind now, today? Just because Bear forced your hand? Is that the only reason you’re finally coming clean?”
“I’m not going to lie to you anymore, Lyla. He’s part of the reason, yeah. When you were younger, I always worried that you were too…lonely to handle this shit. You’ve got some good people around you now, some good support.”
“Well, I appreciate it. Thank you, Dad.” The word almost sounds the same as before all this shit happened, even if I don’t deserve it…
Going up to her, I wrap her in a tight hug. “Don’t tell your sister, but you’ve always been my favorite,” I whisper softly before she pulls away. “Now, try to forgive the asshole inside. He’s been a mess without you.”
I lost count of how many times Fulton showed up at the bar asking me about her. He looked as devastated as I felt about Lyla being gone. Except…however glad I am Lyla is back, I’m at a loss for how to tell her about me and Holly. Now isn’t the time. Not when we’ve barely repaired the rift between us.
“I’m just here to support the nonprofit,” Lyla says coolly. The biggest lie I’ve ever heard come out of her mouth.
“Bullshit. You love him. Couldn’t stop if you tried.”
“How did you know?” she asks as if it wasn’t obvious. She left – she ran because she loved Fulton and didn’t know if she could trust that he loved her back.
“Because that’s what happens when you love someone,” I tell her. You come back for them. You don’t give up.”
But what the hell am I supposed to do when I love two people so damn much and can’t figure out how to keep them both?
CHAPTERTHIRTY-TWO
Holly
Guess what? I’m home and I think Barrett and I are back together!
I got Lyla’s text as soon as I got off work.
And while I’m so damn happy for my best friend…the thunderclouds rumbling above tell me all I need to know. Lyla being home means Isaac is going to try and pull away. Again.
Even his knock on my door that night is lighter, hesitant.
