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“How did you ruin her life?”
Propping my arms on the fence, I press my forehead to them, unable to look at her when I tell her everything that still haunts me every second of the day. “She…I didn’t protect her. Not when she was raped, or when she gave birth to his baby, or when it was more than she could handle, so she took her own life. She thought I couldn’t touch her that way again because I didn’t love her. My guilt and shame, all the suffering she endured afterward, caused the distance between us, and she never knew…she thought I couldn’t love her, love Lyla…”
“I’m so sorry, Isaac. I didn’t know. I’m sorry,” Holly says, and then her fingers are combing gently through my hair, comforting me, holding me despite the fence between us.
I don’t lift my head. I can’t as my arms become damp, too fucking ashamed of myself. I never wanted her to know about this shit, never find out the pain I caused.
“I understand,” Holly eventually says. “I understand why you didn’t want to hurt Lyla. She doesn’t ever have to know about us. I told her…I told her the father was from a one-night stand. I hate lying to her, but if that’s what you need…”
What I need? She thinks I still don’t want anyone to know. That’s why she didn’t tell me. She was never going to. She would’ve raised the baby on her own, letting everyone think it was some asshole’s kid who didn’t give a shit about either of them.
“Hell no,” I say when I finally lift my head and wipe my face off on my shirtsleeve. “We’re telling Lyla the truth tonight.”
“But…”
“Even if it hurts her, even if she hates me, I can’t lie to her again.”
“We don’t have to decide today.”
“It’s decided,” I assure her as I reach my hand out to wipe away her tears. It’s a miracle that she let me, that she didn’t pull away. “At least for me. Fuck, Holly. I know it’s got to be your decision. If you don’t want to…”
“Are you sure?” she whispers, her shimmering eyes holding mine.
“I love you, Holly. I don’t want to hide it from anyone anymore, but I don’t want to be what comes between you and Lyla either.”
“I think…I think I would like to tell her and hope for the best.”
“Yeah?” I repeat with a grin, and she nods.
“I love you too, Isaac. So much that I hope Lyla will forgive me, forgive us.”
“It may take some time, but I have a feeling that she’ll understand. At least, I hope she will. But for now…I just need to touch you, to touch him. Can I?”
She nods again, so I haul myself up and over the fence a second later.
“Isaac!” Holly laughs, looking toward the building before I lay both of my hands on her belly, on the precious life we made. And I’m speechless. There are no words to express how much I love this woman, our baby.
“I, um, I should probably be honest with you too.”
“About what?” I ask as I study her face, unable to take my hands off of her.
“I wasn’t on birth control when we…”
“You weren’t?”
“After the first time, I took a morning-after pill. Two of them. But then I threw up, so…”
I study her face, the blush on her cheeks, her lowered eyes. “You thought I would blame you? That I would put this on you?”
“Yes. It’s-it’s my fault. I teased you, pursued you, convinced you…”
“No, sweetheart. It’s not your fault. I wanted you before you laid on that bed the first night. I didn’t even think about protection before that first time. I just…and then you wanted me to use condoms, and I refused. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I put you in this position.”
“I’m not,” she says. “I don’t regret it. Not a thing. I just thought you would be angry. I never meant for this to happen.”
“I’m not mad. I’m not disappointed. I’m just…happy. Really fucking happy.”
That finally makes her smile, and then I can’t resist wrapping my arms around her, holding her tight. Thankfully, Holly rests her cheek against my chest, her arms circle my waist, and her palms rub over my back.
