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I find myself pacing the room as I think about the situation, and soon I want to tear my hair out from exasperation.
Don’t trust them. You can’t trust any of them.
I know that I should not trust any of the dark elves. To us humans, they have been a monolith of power and hatred. Fohri is an example of what so many humans, especially human women have endured.
No human in their right mind would trust a dark elf. Not when so many of them think that whipping their human slaves or doing worse, is the standard practice.
I am still pacing a half an hour later, and I realize that the situation I am in is probably going to drive me crazy. The problem is that my rational mind tells me that trusting either Brilyk or Ihohka is a bad thing.
But deep down, I have come to trust them both. And I have even come to care for them. I care for both men, both dark elves, in ways that I have never cared for anyone else.
There is a knock on my door then, and when I open it, I see that servants have been sent to prepare me for my dinner with Ihohka.
It seems that Brilyk did not follow through on his threat.
The servants prepare to bathe me and wash my hair, and I let them do what they need to. They oil my body and hair and then lace me into a beautiful dress.
All I can think of, as they move me about like a rag doll, is what dinner with Ihohka will be like.
Will it be romantic?
My cheeks burn at the thought.
You should not be thinking that way.
But the truth of it is, it is too late. Ihohka, and Brilyk, have taken up space in my heart. I don’t know how or when this happened.
But it is too late. How am I possibly going to do this? How can I possibly have space for both men in my heart—two men so dangerous?
I shudder as the servants brush out my hair, and then coil it into intricate braids around my head. I am in dangerous waters with both Ihohka and Brilyk.
And I don’t know how to get out of it.
17
BRILYK
You know that you cannot actually stop her from attending the dinner, right?
I almost roll my eyes at myself. Of course I cannot. Because Eleanor is right. If I stop her from attending, because of my own selfish reasons, then I would be no better than Fohri.
You also realize that you want her all to yourself for reasons that have nothing to do with Fohri?
When are you going to face your feelings?
The thoughts are nagging and frustrating. I decide to ignore them. Instead, I focus my attention on the wall opposite me, as I stand outside Eleanor’s door.
I can hear her pacing up and down inside her room, and I can practically feel her anger oozing underneath the door frame.
You really hurt her.I realize then that I need to be gentler with her. No more dragging her around like a piece of old meat.
I know that the servants will be arriving at any moment to prepare Eleanor for the dinner. A shiver trembles down my spine as I think about Eleanor’s dinner with Ihohka.He won’t hurt her.
Is that what you’re afraid of? That he’ll hurt her?I think back to the moment in the garden when Eleanor and Ihohka were together.Before you pulled her away. He won’t hurt her.My fear, I realize then, is that Ihohka will hurt her. I just have to hope that he won’t and I have to hang my hope on the way he was looking at her in the garden.
This isn’t helping much. You’re still afraid. And you feel terrible about exploding in front of her.I know that I should not have done that.You were just trying to protect her.
I was, I tell myself fiercely. I was trying to protect her. Even though I should not have tried to force her into anything.
