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“I love you so much,” he says, and the sincerity in his voice makes my chest ache. “I am so, so sorry.”
Without leaving Zack’s grasp, I lean up and press my lips to his. He kisses me back hotly, pouring all of his anger and frustration and passion into the embrace. When we pull back for air, I twist, kissing Zack next, shivering when his tongue sweeps over my bottom lip. Then I do the same to Josh, going up on my tiptoes and trailing my lips over his cheek.
I can hear whispers go up around the hall. Someone gasps. I think I hear a phone camera click, and smile against Josh’s lips. I bet every person in this room is mentally calling me every gross name they can think of. Easy. Loose. A cheater. A slag.
And I don’t care. What they think doesn’t matter to me anymore.
I pull back and wipe the glossy red lipstick mark off Josh’s cheek with my thumb. “Let’s get out of here,” I say. “I’m done with these people. We’ve got shit to do.”
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TRANSCRIPT
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THREE SINGLE GUYS, EPISODE 451: ‘THE FAKE DATE EXPERIMENT’ RESULTS AND CONCLUSION
JOSH: And, we’re back from the break. Okay, it’s finally the moment you’ve all been waiting for. The conclusions to our very stupid Fake Date Experiment. In the last couple of months, I think it’s fair to say we all went on a bit of a ride.
LUKE: We’ve certainly learned a lot about intimacy, dating, and what it really means to be vulnerable with new potential partners.
LAYLA: And we found out why these three strapping boys were still single. They were all just as scared of love as I am. At least I could admit it, you cowards.
LUKE: We probably deserve that.
LAYLA: Yeah, you do. Don’t worry. I forgive you.
(Brief pause)
ZACK: For the viewers at home, Luke just gave Layla the sappiest look I’ve ever seen in my life. And now she’s blushing… and now she is giving me the finger…
JOSH: Layla, what would you say is the main conclusion you’ve learned?
LAYLA: I guess that… there’s no formula to a perfect relationship. There’s no checklist you can go down and cross items off. You’ll never be able to get everything right. Everybody has their own issues and baggage and hangups, and there are so many ways we sabotage ourselves from finding love, even if we don’t realise it. But it really is possible for everyone to find their person.
LUKE: Or people.
LAYLA: If you’re very lucky, yeah, people. With some TLC, and a lot of respect and communication, even someone who is absolutely useless at romance, like me, can open up. You might have to work a little harder to make them feel safe. But that’s okay. It’s worth it.
ZACK: (whispering) Okay, for the viewers at home, Josh is looking at Layla like he’s a dying man in a desert and she is an icy-cold glass of lemonade—
LAYLA: Zack.
ZACK: A very gorgeous glass, that’s wearing a really pretty, very low-cut bralette. That I believe is available in pink, white, fawn, and black.
LAYLA: Aw, are you doing an un-disclaimed sponsorship for me? That’s so cute, babe. Yeah, it’s the latest release in my new Butterfly collection. Check it out on my website.
ZACK: If you like boobs, buy it for your girlfriend. Use the code GREATCLEAVAGE for a twenty percent discount. That’s G-R-E-A-
(Sound of static)
JOSH: Sorry for the interruption, I had to briefly cut Zack’s mic. Technical issues. We’ve had a lot of questions about where this segment will go from here. Since we did, indeed, find Layla love—
LAYLA: For the record, we’ve been together for three months now, and it’s great.
JOSH: Yes, now we get to hear her singing along to ABBA from within the privacy of our own flat, it’s lovely. Anyway, I think we can call the experiment a success. However, we will not be doing any more of this segment. For the sake of our own relationship, I think that would be a terrible idea.
LUKE: But don’t worry — this isn’t the last you’ll be hearing from Layla. Since we’ve parted ways with our old production company, we now have a lot more creative control over the podcast. Which means we’re adding a new segment to the show. We thought it was about time to get a female voice.
