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“Then nothing,” I lie. The military is the next step for me, but he doesn’t need to know that.
“I need my big brother. Please don’t do this.”
“And you’ll always have me.” I rest my hand on his shoulder. “I will always be here for you. Always.”
Mark shrugs away from me and starts toward the stairs. “Keep telling yourself that.”
Before I can argue further, he takes the steps two at a time, and seconds later, I hear the soft click of our bedroom door shutting. I remind myself why I’m doing what I’m doing and shove down the guilt about leaving him behind. At least he’ll be safe. There won’t be anyone left to hurt him, and I won’t need to stick around to take the abuse in his place.
“Paul!”
Soul’s shout snaps me out of my head, and I turn to face him. “What?”
“Where’d you go just now?”
“What are you talking about? I’m right here.”
“Nah, brother. You were miles and years away.”
I sit on the stool and hang my head. “Why’d he have to come back, Soul?”
Soul sits on the stool next to me, our earlier pissing match forgotten. That’s what I love about him. No matter what happens between us, I can count on him. I just wish he still felt the same about me.
“I think the more appropriate question is why’d it take him so long?”
I shake my head. “I tried to find him after we got back to the States. I called and texted the number I had for him and got nothing. And my parents were no help. They were too busy blaming me for them not knowing where he was.” Turning to face Soul, I inhale deeply. “Did I ever tell you he tried to stop me from leaving the house that night?”
Soul’s brows shoot up. “You mean…”
“Yeah,thatnight,” I confirm, and he shakes his head. “He caught me sneaking out of the house, gas can in hand. Asked me not to go through with it.”
“How’d he know?”
“Said he heard me talking to you and Grim.” I shrug. “I don’t know, man, but he knew.”
“Wow, okay. I don’t even know what to do with that.”
“Me either. That’s the problem. He’s clearly harboring some rage toward me, and I’m so fucking pissed at him for running off that I can’t see straight when I think about it. Do you have any fucking clue how worried I was about him when we got back? I mean, the little shit wouldn’t respond to any of my emails while we were overseas and then to come back and find him gone…” I shake my head. “I don’t know how to get over it. Not to mention all the shit I was put through as a kid.”
“What Brine and Block did to you wasn’t his fault.”
I chuckle, but there’s zero humor in it. It might not have been Mark’s fault, but I can’t stop the feeling that if he hadn’t been around, I wouldn’t have felt the need to take all I did. It started because I wanted to protect him. It continued because I had no clue how to stop it. And yeah, it ended, but only because I turned into a sinner.
“I’m not sure what’s so funny,” Soul says, his tone clipped.
“None of this is funny,” I snap. “Not a damn thing about it.”
Soul stares at me for a long moment, and when he straightens, his expression turns dark. “You do blame him, don’t you? You blame Mark for what happened to you.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Maybe I’d have a clue if you wouldn’t keep shit bottled up.”
“And what goo—”
Soul’s phone rings, and he holds up a hand to stop me so he can answer it. He grins when he looks at the screen.
“Hey, Jez, what’s up?”
