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A giant shark leaps out of the water and chomps Luigi’s head off.
Luigi screams, thrashing about, blood spurting from his neck.
Giuseppe tries to move away, but another great white jumps out of the water and bites his legs off.
"Fuck!" Giuseppe screams, two stumps spurting blood.
Dino grabs my gun and shoots Giuseppe for sport.
Bang.
Giuseppe’s head flies off, landing straight into the shark’s jaw.
That’s when a third shark swims directly under Petrie.
"No, no, no," Petrie yells, kicking and thrashing over the water.
It charges out of the water and bites Petrie’s dick off.
"Are you out of your minds?!" Petrie screams, trying to get away to no avail.
The shark comes back and bites Petrie’s nutsack off.
I slit the rope and watch as Petrie crashes into the water.
A million sharks rush to the surface and chomp him to bits.
Nonna screams as she slams Nonno’s shoulders. "Oh, fuck. Just like that."
I almost think one of the sharks winks at me. "Thank you for the yummy meal," I imagine it saying in a happy, rumbly shark voice.
Dino must think the same thing because he can’t help but giggle. "The sharks are soooooo cute. I want one as a pet."
I rip the inserter device out of his hand and throw it into the ocean. "Never put dildos our enemies give you up your ass again."
"Oh, I came… prepared." Dino tugs a condom he had tucked deep in his hole out of his cheeks. "I put this in before I left the house. The bedbug virus never got inside me."
My heart races as I stare into Dino’s eyes.
This young man is so perfect, sweet, and brilliant.
Out of every man in the world, he’s the only one I have eyes for.
"I love you, Dino. You’re wild and crazy, but your heart is made of pure marshmallow fluff. I’m honored to be your protector."
Dino blinks back tears. "I love you, too. Thank you for helping me take out the men who took advantage of my father’s debt. Now, the money you gave me will help my parents start a new life away from all these mobsters who hurt them."
"I was kinda thinking… you’d give me that check back," I drawl, "since I killed your debtors, but okay."
"Wait." Dino’s eyes widen. "We’ve got to see if the two checks made a money baby."
I lean in and kiss him.
Just kiss him.
Time stops for us as the world ceases spinning.
And I think that, despite the craziness of the day, and the unconventional nature of our relationship, Dino will be mine and I’ll be his forever.
