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She sneered at Dillon’s last text when it popped up with a cheerful Can’t wait! then clicked off her phone.
No, there was nothing to feel guilty about. This was more like meeting with an old enemy to reconfirm the peace treaty.
Dillon was a handsome guy, but she would never, ever find him attractive. How could she? He’d been a worm of a boy, so he couldn’t be much better than a bug of a man. And after being with Gabe, she was starting to get a new perspective on dating.
Up until now, she’d spent every date trying to figure out how to get comfortable when it felt as if she was writhing on a pin. But the point of all of it was to find a guy who didn’t make her feel that way in the first place. Sure, she’d had a few anxiety attacks with Gabe, but she’d mostly had fun.
Dillon wasn’t going to be fun at all. Her gut churned at the thought of sitting down with him, of having to be polite and smile and pretend he hadn’t helped ruin several years of her life.
Her email chimed and she lurched forward to open it. Dillon didn’t matter. He was the nobody in her life now. Veronica held her breath as she read the email, then let it out in a rush of relief. The therapist had only a few suggestions, but otherwise, she’d written the right thing. She’d reached out; she’d sympathized; she’d offered help.
If the writer saw it online, hopefully, he’d get in touch again or at least reach out to a doctor or therapist for assistance. Maybe she could truly help him. Maybe she could make his life just a little better.
Waiting impatiently for the response from her editor, Veronica paced out to the kitchen to grab a drink, but instead of opening the fridge, she found herself staring at it. It needed an addition.
She got out the paper and marker one more time.
#4—Stop being afraid.
She wasn’t a teenager anymore. She wasn’t nobody. And she was finally going to stop being scared.
***
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
“I’MALREADYTERRIFIED,” she muttered, glaring at the top of Gabe’s head as he slid the loop of the safety harness over her foot.
“You’ll be great.”
Despite her resentment, she couldn’t resist touching him. As he pulled the loop over her other foot, she reached out to stroke his hair. It was silky and hot from the sun, but the nicest thing about it was that she could touch it just because she wanted to.
And she did want to. She’d tried to talk him into forgetting about this whole climbing thing altogether and just giving in to her sexual demands, but he’d stubbornly refused. Honestly, she felt a little miffed at that. She wouldn’t have had the strength to say no to him, but he’d laughed and promised “later.”
In fact, he’d promised to fuck her twice when they got home. She’d tried to be content with that, but as she stroked her hand through his warm hair, she wished he were kneeling in front of her for an entirely different reason. When her hand tightened, he looked up.
She raised her eyebrows. “How about we just skip all this and I give you a blow job? There’s no one else out here.”
“Stop trying to distract me,” he said, laughing as he worked the harness up over her capri leggings until the top of it was at her waist.
Crap. He was really determined to do this. He tightened the thick band that went around her waist and told her that the leg straps should be snug. She grumbled under her breath, but she tightened them, anyway.
“Perfect,” he said. “Now I’ll show you how everything works, so you’ll have a good sense of how safe it is.”
She bit her tongue to stop the sarcastic remark she wanted to make. She’d just yesterday promised herself she’d stop being afraid, and here she was practically shaking. She trusted Gabe, and he was obviously a good rock climber. He’d been doing it for years and was still walking and talking.
And she had to admit that she was slightly intrigued by the idea of this climb. She didn’t want to try this, but she was brave, wasn’t she? This was her new life, or so her friends had assured her.
“The helmet,” he said, easing one onto her head, “is to keep you safe from falling rock. This is especially important as I’ll be above you.”
“Above me? I thought you’d be with me.”
“No, I’ll climb up first and secure the anchors. This is an established climbing spot, so there are already permanent anchors at the top, but I’ll secure a few more on my way up. Let me show you how they work.”
She watched him wedge an anchor into a crack of rock. Then he showed her how to work it back out so she could try it herself. She could see, objectively, how the physics of the anchor worked, but it still didn’t seem nearly secure enough for her. It was a tiny piece of metal attached to a wire. What if it broke? What if the rock broke? Sure, the rock was millions of years old, but rocks cracked all the time! And what if the anchor somehow slipped up to a wider section of the crack? But Gabe insisted on relying on physics instead of fear.
“And we always use double anchors, at least,” he said. “Sometimes three if it’s a particularly tricky section.”
“But how will you be anchored if you’re climbing up to place them?” she pressed.
