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“Why is it always you?” I said softly, and Alex smiled.
“I don’t know. I guess I’ll never know the answer to that.”
I picked up his arms, muscular and strong, and pulled them around me, let him hold me to him. I told myself I was letting him; that I wasn’t kissinghim, that I wasn’t holdinghim.
But before I knew it, I’d thrown my arms around his neck, and then I could no longer deny my own agency, as my hand reached up to touch the soft skin on his cheek, to feel his face, to feel his well-defined cheekbones.
He slipped his hand under my blouse, and when I felt his hand pressed against my bare skin, I knew that I wanted him, that some force of desire had taken me completely into his charge, that there was no way back, only forward through the troubled feelings in my heart.
Together, we sat on the couch, and I kissed Alex. But everything I did only stirred the lust between us more, never quenching it. I assumed he hadn’t wanted me and lied to myself, saying that I was only imagining his eyes lingering on my chest, on the loose strands of hair falling to my shoulder. That I was only reading into his occasional compliments and kind words. But it couldn’t be denied here in the dark.
There, in the dead of night, he pressed against me, and I felt myself collapse in his embrace. The couch was soft, and my head swam, dizzy and tired as his hand reached down to my waist, fell at my knees, and began to push up, beneath the hem towards my panties. I gasped as his hand made contact with my pussy, as he began to slowly tease me with his finger on the soft fabric. I felt his need to please me, and knew it was what I’d lacked: what no man had given me before or since him.
Our love, our lust, was like an unfinished sentence: it demanded our attention now that we were in the same room as each other.
I looked up into his eyes, and suddenly it was too much, too close, and the edges of who I was melted away in his presence as he slipped aside my panties, and his fingers began to work at my clit. To my shame and surprise, I was wet for him already, could feel his need to please me, and I gave way easily as he fingered my pussy expertly.
But I couldn’t look at him, couldn’t look at what we were doing, and I turned away, and bent over before him on the couch, quickly throwing my panties down around my knees.
“I want you,” I said, and then Alex held me, his hands were running up my back, and he’d parted my legs. I heard him unzip his pants and felt a terrible thrill course through me as his cock, already hard, brushed against my legs.
It was the work of a moment for him to push against me, and then I felt myself give way, there on my hands and knees, and his enormous cock pushing inside of me. I knew how well-endowed Alex was, but it still shocked me, and then he was pounding into me, fucking me, gasping and breathing hard while my knees buckled and I trembled.
His hand reached up my neck, brushing my chin, and knotted itself around the soft hairs at the back of my neck. I’d never felt so dirty, so awful, and yet never so good, as he fucked me roughly, and I began to moan softly, crying out for him. The intensity of it swept away all my fears, questions, and thoughts that stirred whenever I saw him.
“Alex,” I said, “Alex,” and he was going faster and faster, and my hand crept down to my pussy, and he slowed, grunting with approval. “That’s it,” he said, “good girl,” and I shivered at the dark pleasure as I began to touch myself, working my pussy until I was tensing and groaning, calling for him, “Alex, Alex.” And then a wash of delight pulsed through my body, as I came on his cock, and as I did, I felt him give way, and a guilty delight lifted my spirits. And I was back in that room above the bar, years ago, the place I’d been running from all my life. And yet it was the place where I’d been happier than I really knew how.
I was back in his arms, under his spell.
“You’re mine,” said Alex, as I drained his cock, feeling him pulsing in turn, filling me up, leaving me whole again.
His woman, and only his.
We collapsed into the couch together, and lay breathing heavily in the dark.
What have I done?
Chapter 6
Alex
IgotLolaacab home. After she disappeared into the night, I called my driver to take me home, where I fell into a deep sleep.
I thought I’d wake up feeling satisfied. That I’d feel like the longing in my heart was over. But if anything, I only felt more restless. The feeling of Lola’s body against mine, our secret passion on display in my office. What would someone say if they found out? I didn’t care. All I could think of was her—even now, lying in bed, staring up at the ceiling, I could see her gentle face, the freckles around her eyes, could hear the sweet and melodious sound of her voice. I pictured her making one of her sassy comebacks, and it made me feel curiously happy.
I needed to clear my head, and since I had a free morning, I decided I’d give myself a treat. I called for my helicopter, which was on standby at a warehouse in Jersey. Within forty minutes, we were taking off. A good run would help me think things through.
I had my pilot fly me upstate to Breakneck Ridge, with instructions to pick me up at the end of the trail. Within less than twenty minutes, we were there. It was a tricky descent among the rocky mountaintops, but before long, I was at the head of the trail, looking down across the pines and over the gorgeous blue of Lake Surprise. It was 7.00am. There wasn’t a soul around. And I happily jogged away up the Hudson valley, looking down the river to New York in the distance, letting myself get lost in the rhythms of my breathing. I went twice up to the trail and around the loop—around 9 miles in total. It had been a while since I’d run such a distance, and by the time the pilot came to pick me up from our agreed meeting point, I was exhausted.
When we got back I showered and changed, and then made my way into town. I’d gotten a call from Luca the other day asking to meet me there for lunch the next day.
When I arrived, I saw him immediately, and noticed with some irritation that he’d occupied one of the booths at the end of the restaurant. It could easily have seated six diners.
“Can’t we sit at a table for two?” I said.
“Come on, ‘Lex!” he said. “What’s the point of owning all this if we can’t enjoy it now and then?”
“We own the profits,” I grumbled, but sat down with him. I noticed that, most unusually, Luca had actually prepared documents for the meeting we were about to have. Normally he liked to let his assistant send everything over to me, and hated having to do any work himself. His news must be pretty exciting. But having fasted that morning, I was ravenous for something to eat, so I asked the kitchen to prepare me a fillet mignon, with a salad and a side of mashed potatoes.
