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“Her name is Alina.” Dereck took the fresh drink from the bartender. “And she is far from stupid.”
Dina scoffed. “You’re defending her?” She shook her head and raised her eyebrows. The next words Dina spoke were in a softer tone. “Please don’t tell me you still have feelings for her.”
Dereck held his head steady and downed the shot.
“Oh, man.” Dina breathed out heavily. “This is just unbelievable,” she said to herself before turning her attention once again to her brother. “Dereck, did you forget how much she hurt you? Because I didn’t. I still remember the state you were in when you called me. You were completely devastated.”
“I remember, Dina,” Dereck blurted, but his sister countered. “How could I forget that?”
“Obviously you did, else you wouldn’t be here, drinking yourself into a coma,” his sister told him.
Dereck turned to Dina; his face determined. “Why are you here?”
“I came to make sure that you are okays,” Dina said.
“Well, I’m fine,” Dereck said boldly. “So you can go and let me drink in peace.”
Dina stared at her brother for a while, wondering how she could convince him, but she knew her brother well. Dereck was stubborn, and there was no convincing him when his mind was made up. He already made his decision. She trusted he would not go back on his word, so there was no reason to worry. Dina would simply leave him be.
“Fine,” she said. “I’ll go. But just don’t get too drunk.”
Dereck didn’t turn to see his sister’s departure. She may not have known it, but she made him realize something: he was still in love with Alina. Otherwise, he wouldn’t care this much. He wouldn’t be stressing over how much her heart must be hurting, how much it ached. And he most definitely would not have the urge to wrap her in his arms in a comforting embrace.
Now Dereck was confused. Thoughts of happy moments with Alina flooded his memory. He remembered her laugh and the way she used to snuggle against him while she slept. He remembered the way her eyes would light up whenever she saw him but ever so often the pain of her deceit became all too prominent.
Dereck pulled out his phone from where he kept it in his jacket and dialed a number. He needed advice and there was only one person he knew who was analytical enough to make sense of his muddled thoughts.
“I’m sure you heard by now that Alina came to Connecticut,” Dereck said as soon as his friend answered the phone.
“Lee told me yesterday,” Martin said softly, but there was no response on the other end. “I’m sure you called me for a reason, Dereck. What is it?”
“I told her we could never be together again,” Dereck said flatly, void of emotion.
“Seems like you’ve made a decision. What troubles you then?” Martin asked.
Dereck’s head flinched back slightly. “I don’t feel how I thought I would.”
“Do you still have feelings for her?” Martin questioned.
Dereck sighed, then rubbed his hand to the front of his face. “I think I do.”
“Then why did you tell her that?” Martin was most time level-headed, always the problem solver and rational.
“I’m not sure.” Dereck thought for a while. “Maybe I wanted to hurt her. Make her feel what it is like to feel pain from the person she loved the most.”
Martin kept the line of questioning. “And did it work?”
“Yes.” Dereck sighed. “But I never expected to feel like this. Like there is a hole in my heart.”
“So, what are you going to do now?” Martin was indifferent.
“I’m not sure.” Dereck wrapped his hand around the shot glass. “What should I do?”
“I think you already know,” Martin paused. “She changed you Dereck. When you two were together, that was the happiest I ever saw you. I envied that.” Martin breathed out heavily. “And now you’re preventing yourself from feeling that happiness again because of what? Pride? She made a mistake. She knows that. She apologized, I’m sure. Is keeping a grudge worth losing a chance at happiness?” Martin sighed again. “You called me because you wanted to know my opinion. I think if you love her, you should be with her again. Do whatever it takes to make things right with her and give yourself a chance to be happy. Everyone makes mistakes. No one is perfect, but I believe Alina is closest to perfect for you.”
Martin was right. Alina made a mistake, but she tried to correct it. And even after he boldly ended their relationship, she opened herself for rejection. She did that because she loved him. He sighed. And all he did was tear her apart for it.
A flash of Alina’s pained expression flashed through Dereck’s head. He remembered how the color drained from her face and the way she clutched her stomach. He remembered the way her body crumpled on itself when she walked away; her steps uneven, and he hung his head in regret.
