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“This.” I circle my hand in front of me, which is stupid, ’cause she can’t see me. “Whatever this is you’re doing. Showing up at events I’m at when I tell you I can’t see you, calling me in the middle of the night.”
“But I thought that—”
I clear my throat and pinch my nose. “I thought you understood that what we had in the past was casual. You’ve always been okay with that.”
“Well, yeah, but I thought…Wait, what do you mean in the past? Are we…do you not want to…” She trails off, her voice cracking.
“No, Sam, I don’t want to. Not anymore.” I watch Jacob’s eye flicker to mine in the mirror. He knows Sam. He knows Claire. He’s also been privy to many conversations about Claire between Wyatt and I in this backseat. He knows how I feel about Claire, and he knows how I don’t feel about Sam.
Silence. For a long moment. And then, “Is it something I did? Is it because I showed up at that party? I just wanted to see you before I left town.”
“No, Sam.” I press the heel of my palm to my forehead. This is painful. “Actually, you know what, while we’re on it, yeah, it wasn’t cool of you to show up like that. And it really wasn’t fucking cool of you to kiss me.” I should have had this conversation with her then, but when I saw Claire take off up the stairs to her office, all I could think about was following her up there. And then when she left and went home, I’d followed right behind her, with nothing more than a quick I’m not interested for Sam. “I was there with somebody.”
“You were there with somebody? Like…”
“I’m seeing someone,” I finally blurt out. I’m not sure that Claire would agree with that statement, especially given the circumstances, but I don’t give a shit. I’m spending time with her and her alone. She’s the only one I’m kissing, holding, sleeping with. Except we aren’t doing much sleeping. “She was there that night and saw you kiss me. And she saw your text message last night, too.”
That last one is unconfirmed so far, but I’m willing to bet that’s the reason Claire disappeared in the middle of the night again after finally falling asleep in my arms. My phone was on the table right by her head, and a text like that would be more than enough to send her running for the hills.
“Wow,” Sam muses quietly. “I…I’m sorry, Avery. I didn’t…shit. I didn’t think…well, to be honest, I didn’t think it was possible.”
“Yeah. You and me both.”
There’s a little puff of air and then a small giggle. “She must be something special to nail Avery Beck down.”
I snort. “Yeah, she’s special alright. Just gotta try and salvage this now.”
“Oh, Avery. I’m sorry. I really didn’t mean to mess anything up for you. Can I help in any way? Do you want me to reach out to her and—”
“No, absolutely not. It’s more than you, Sam. There’s more than that going on.” I scrub my jaw. There’s so much more than that going on. Claire’s insecure, and I get that. But her constant flip-flopping between returning my feelings and running away from me like I’m chasing after her wielding a weapon has my head spinning.
“Don’t give up without a fight, Avery. I’ve never known you to turn down sex with a beautiful woman before, so…I guess that’s saying something.”
I laugh at that. Sam’s confidence is one of the things that drew me to her. She’s a bombshell and she knows it. She’s also fairly easy to talk to, which is why we’d been mutually interested in repeated hook-ups whenever she was in the city. I would clear my schedule and blow off semi-important things to accommodate her, the sex was that good.
But it was nothing like what I have now with Claire. Not just the sex, but the chemistry, the connection, the draw to her that I can’t explain. I can’t put into words how I feel about Claire, or why I feel this way. It isn’t one specific thing, because wouldn’t that imply that without that thing, the feelings would vanish? I’m sure that isn’t the case, not with Claire.
It’s…everything. Everything about her, rolled into one phenomenal woman who makes me laugh, shake my head, grit my teeth, and smile all in the same day, over and over again. Everything about Claire draws me to her like a magnet.
The car rolls to a stop and I glance out the window to see the old-time charm of Cherry Lane staring down at me. “I’ve gotta go, Sam. Are we good?”
“Yeah, yeah. We’re good. I guess I won’t be seeing you anymore. But, you know, if things don’t work out…”
I know she means well, but I’m not in the mood. I’m not in the mood to even consider that this might not work out. This has to work out. Claire and I have to work out. There’s no other way; I’m sure of it.
“Have a good one, Sam.”
Her small sigh tells me she knows it’s final. “Goodbye Avery.”
I tuck my phone in my pocket and lean forward between the front seats. “Can you stick around? Might be a while.”
“Of course. I’ll go grab a coffee. You want anything?”
I pull out a bill and pass it to him. “You know what I like.”
Walking rapidly across the first floor, my pounding footsteps echo off the empty brick, matching the trotting that’s currently going on in my chest. I take the stairs two at a time, sprinting up them, and nod at the secretary as I move past her.
“Good morning, Mr. Beck,” she says, standing and raising a finger as if trying to stop me.
