AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Charlee.” I huff a loud, drawn-out sigh, patting at the fluffy bubbles. Like the schoolgirl I am, I start etching Avery’s name into the thick softness. “I’m really not up for it.”
“I don’t give a shit, Claire. You fucked up royally this morning and then moped around the rest of the day with your head up your own ass. So now you’re gonna come over and I’m gonna tell you how the hell you can make it right.”
“That sounds like a lovely night but—”
“We’re having a girl’s night. It’s mandatory.” She pauses, then laughs at something, probably herself. “And when I say girl’s night, I mean wine blackouts in my living room with nineties hits blasting. Bitch, get your sweet ass over here.”
Well, when you put it like that…
Tugging on a Cherry Lane tank and a flimsy pair of running shorts, I fill my backpack with snacks and alcohol, in case Charlee’s not prepared, though she always is. I make the fifteen-minute trek to her place, squinting through the bright sun. It’s not fair. I mean, it feels like it should be rainy and gray, not all blue skies and sunshine. Nature should always match my feelings, then I could walk through the rain and pretend like I’m in an emotional music video, singing about all the mistakes I’ve made and how my heart will never be whole again.
But Charlee doesn’t let me wallow. She yanks me through her door, tunes blasting from her TV, a giant, steaming pan of nachos waiting for me on her kitchen island.
“Yesss,” I groan, dropping my head backwards and grabbing a greedy, cheesy handful.
She hands me a tall drink. It’s an alarming shade of mud brown, with a hint of rust.
I make a face. “I’m not drinking that.”
“You are.” She dips a crazy straw into it. I watch her slurp her drink, the liquid moving through the loops of her straw. Squeezing her eyes shut, she shudders. “So good,” she chokes out.
“Yeah, no. Not happening. When Charlee Williams gags at a drink, it’s definitely not happening for Claire Thompson.”
“Don’t be such a pussy.” She clamps a hand over her mouth. “Oh, I said the p-word. Even I don’t normally say that word.” She giggles at herself. “But you are being a little pussy. Not just about this, but this drink is the easiest thing to fix right now. So drink up, Claire Bear, or I’ll hold you down and pour it down your throat. I’m not above doing that and you know it.”
I do know it. Otherwise I would’ve never wound up stripping down to my bra and undies and running through my high school parking lot on a dare one night in eleventh grade with about fifty juniors and seniors cheering me on. So maybe that’s why I close my lips around the straw and suck it back.
It’s truly disgusting. I gag. I cough. I die a little inside.
And then I finish it. And then I drink three more. And each one tastes better than the last, until they taste like I’m simply drinking root beer. Not good. Not good at all.
“You love him,” Charlee slurs, nuzzling her face into my shoulder after a good hour of shaking our asses. We’re both sticky with sweat and breathless like we just had the best sex of our lives, which we did not. And also, we’re super drunk.
I start to wag my head back and forth. It’s all slow and lazy. “Nnnn-yes.” I do. Fuck me.
She sits up and grips my shoulders, giving me a fierce shake. “I just don’t understand you. Why are you running from the very thing that makes your heart beat faster?”
It’s a good question, and a deep one, one I can’t really comprehend right now. Why am I running away from the person who makes me undeniably happy when we’re together? Why has it taken me so long to even admit that he makes me so happy?
“Because he can’t love me back,” are the words that tumble from my lips. “And even if he thought he could, he’d realize it soon enough, and then he’d leave.”
You know, I haven’t always been such a cynic with love. I believed in it wholeheartedly, believed in all of it. Love at first sight, jumping right in, happily ever afters, monogamy.
Now I’m just not sure.
Charlee’s entire body rolls with her theatric sigh, starting with her shoulders. “Maybe it would be easier if you put it down.”
My face scrunches with confusion. “Put what down?”
She boops my nose. “All your self-doubt.”
Ha. I wish. Easier said than done, I suppose.
“Do you think I like feeling this way? This has been the longest month ever since Aaron. And not because I miss him, but because…because…” My bottom lip does that quiver I hate, and I feel that familiar sting in my eyes and nose. I try to hold it in; I swear, I do.
But comes rushing forward in a barking sob, and Charlee flings her arms around me.
“I feel so worthless,” I cry, swiping furiously at the tears that stream down my cheeks. “I don’t care that he’s gone, Charlee, I really don’t. I care that he made me feel like gum on the bottom of his shoe. That he made me question everything about myself, including the things I used to love.”
