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Claire
The old lady sitting across the room from me shoots me her third glare in the last two minutes, white brows furrowing before she huffs and shifts her gaze to the corner of the ceiling.
I get it: my knee is bouncing at the pace of a racehorse. If I had tap-dancing shoes, I might be carrying a sweet beat. Or I’d just be upping the annoyance factor by, like, a hundred and twenty percent.
I’m nervous. There’s nothing I can do about. I grab a fistful of my hair like that’ll help. It doesn’t. Instead of twirling it, I grip it so hard my scalp burns.
Why am I like this?
My phone buzzes in my purse and I scramble to pull it out, desperate for the distraction.
Charlee: You’re fine. It’s fine. You’re such a hypochondriac.
I know I’m freaking out over nothing, but I’ve always been like this. The second a thought like this enters my head, I run with it like a kite on a windy day.
Regardless, her words bring me no comfort, so I bury my head in my hands.
“Claire?”
I rip my face out of my grasp, gaze locking on the middle-aged doctor. She smiles at me as if I don’t think I might be dying.
“Hi Claire.” She gestures for me with her hand. “I’m ready for you. Why don’t you come on back?”
Gulping, I manage a shaky smile, slinging my work bag over my shoulder while I follow her through the door and down the hall, where she ushers me into one of her exam rooms. Stark white and smelling a lot like bleach, this isn’t where I want to be.
“Two visits in just over a month. To what do I owe the pleasure? You don’t have strep throat again, do you?” I can see why she might think that, given that I haven’t spoken a single word yet.
I shake my head, fumbling with my hands while I search for words. “No, I…well, I…” I squeeze my eyes shut. “I’m sorry. I’m being ridiculous. You’re probably going to think I’m crazy. It’s just that my parents…” I trail off, because I really don’t know how to finish this sentence.
Dr. Tam offers me a patient and encouraging smile. “Take your time, Claire. I can tell you’re feeling very anxious.”
“My parents both had cancer,” I finally breathe out.
She nods, scrolling through her tablet. “Leukemia for your dad, and ovarian for your mom.”
“Right. I’m, uh…I’m worried I have ovarian cancer,” I admit in a whisper.
Her bright eyes widen just a touch, and she shifts in her chair. “You may be at a higher risk of developing ovarian cancer, however, hereditary cases only account for about fifteen percent of all cases. Is there something particular that’s got you concerned, or are you just interested in doing some genetic testing?”
I look down at my hands, the way they turn nervously in my lap. “I haven’t been feeling right lately. It’s just…it’s a lot of the same symptoms my mom had that led to her diagnosis.”
Dr. Tam crosses one leg over the other. “Alright. Go through your symptoms with me. What’s going on with that body of yours?”
I take a deep breath, thinking about all the symptoms that started popping up about two weeks ago. “I’m having a lot of pain in my stomach.” I rub a hand over my belly. “It just feels bloated and uncomfortable, crampy. I feel like I’m peeing more, but I’m also constipated.” God, this is so uncomfortable. “I’m exhausted all the time, my back hurts, and I’m having trouble eating because of how much my stomach hurts.”
She nods slowly, studying me, before she turns her attention to her tablet, fingers typing at the screen. “Okay, Claire. I’m glad you came. Certainly, those are all symptoms, as you know because of your mom—” and because of Google, “—and because of her, you are at a higher risk of contracting it.” Spinning, she grabs a pad of paper off her desk and starts scribbling away.
“We’ll start with a couple tests, and depending on those results, we’ll discuss how to move forward. How does that sound?”
“Okay,” I agree quietly. “What kind of tests?”
“Some blood work, a pelvic exam. We’ll start with that, nice and easy.”
“When can we do that?”
She checks her watch. “Our nurse is available for the next hour, so we can get them done right away, if you have the time today. I just want to get some more details from you before we proceed.”
I nod, my throat working with a thick swallow.
