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In a flash, the arrogant demeanor she’d reflected when they first arrived was gone, replaced by something softer.
“It’s probably pretty obvious,” she started, gripping her hands in front of her. “This is my attempt to win you back.”
Graham’s knees nearly gave out.
Maybe he should have sat down when he had the chance.
Stay calm. Collected. “Win me back?” His voice came out strong and steady.Keep it up, man. You got this.
“As you know, I’m not really the camping type. But you love it so much I thought it might be different to experience it through your eyes. Maybe you could show me what I’ve been missing.”
He let himself focus on her eyes. Even from several feet away, he saw apprehension in those hazel depths.
“Also, I figured it wouldn’t hurt to butter you up a little, and you’d be more likely to forgive me if you were in your happy place.”
She was his happy place, but she didn’t need to know it yet.
What she had to say was probably just as important for her as it was for him.
“I have no idea what you’re thinking right now, but your silence is ideal and I’m just gonna go with it. I don’t want to forget anything I wanted to say. Here goes.” She breathed deeply, shaking her hands out. “Obviously I’ve had a lot of time these last two months to think. About us and what happened. There were days I felt justified in my decision and others where I just knew I’d ruined both our lives and I was officially the stupidest woman on the planet. But I wanted to take the time to really get ahold of myself and figure things out. I talked to my mom, I talked to Mia, and I even started dating a little.”
Graham stiffened, hoping she wouldn’t stay on that point for long.
“Through it all, one thing remained constant. I missed you. And not just the obvious stuff, like your smile that stops my heart or that thing you do with your tongue when we kiss. I missed your sarcasm and the way you’re always up to go out. I missed ordering takeout with you and pretending I can’t do stuff around the house so you’ll do it for me and I can watch your forearms work. I missed the way you look at me and feeling like I can be myself and you’ll still like me.
“But even so, I was scared. I’m still scared. My decision to change my mind—and I’ll get to that part in a second—doesn’t mean I’m not going to worry about you all the fucking time. It’s important you know up front that we’ll probably fight about that. I’ll yell if you do something reckless, or if you take hours to call me back when you’re on shift at the fire station. I can’t just turn it off and I won’t be easy. But if there’s one thing I know about you it’s that you don’t shy away from a challenge. You face it head-on, and I hope you’ll do that with me.”
Graham’s chest was so tight he could hardly breathe. Just when he was about to ask what changed her mind, she kept going.
“I was in a car accident a few days ago, and—”
“What?” He lurched forward, canvassing her person, searching for sign of injury. “What happened?”
She held out her hand when he was three feet away. “I’m fine, Graham. Don’t touch me. Please, not yet—I want to get through this. I can’t if you put your hands on me.”
Oof. Hard same.
“Some guy crossed the centerline, and instead of swerving I hit the brakes. It was a weird reaction, maybe, but I didn’t even think about it. I got rear-ended because I stopped so quick and the guy that had been coming head-on clipped the front driver’s side. The airbag knocked me out. I’m a little sore, but otherwise I’m completely fine. I promise, okay? Stop looking at me like that.”
He tried to relax his jaw, but he had no control over the wild look she probably saw in his eyes. Thank God she was okay. He couldn’t even think about what he’d have done if it had been worse...
“I bring that up to say this: even though the accident wasn’t that bad, it still brought clarity. Earlier that night, Mia had pointed out how fragile life is and how things can happen to any one of us at any time. And then when my mom was camped out at my bedside in the ER while we waited for discharge, I finally told her everything. About us. And when I got to the part about how scared I was because of what she’d been through, she stopped me. Said my brain was focused only on the bad parts, because when she thought about the years she’d been with my dad, it wasn’t the days he was gone. She’d worried about him, sure, but her memories were filled with times he was there and we were together, and how happy we all were. She promised me that even knowing how it would turn out, she’d do it all again, just to have that time with him. That was...eye-opening. And a relief, honestly, because I want that to be the case for us, but I’ve just been so afraid.” She swallowed, brushing her palm across her collarbone. “Oh, and going back to therapy has helped, too. So yeah, you might give me heartburn, but I know the good times with you are worth it. They’re everything.”
Graham squeezed his eyes shut, his nails digging into his palms in his attempt to keep from pulling her into his arms. He sensed her move closer and her fingers slid into his hair with a featherlight touch.
“The last thing I wanted to say is I decided what I wanted to be remembered for. Loving and living with abandon and adventure and not letting the worst moment of my life define how I lived the rest of it. I want to live it with you.”
He opened his eyes just as several tears slipped down her cheeks. Slowly, he reached up and brushed them away with his thumbs, cradling her face in his palm.
“A life with me won’t be easy,” he said softly. “I know I’ve made progress, but I’m still not used to talking about things. I’ll keep working on it, but you’ll have to be patient with me.”
She blinked, sending another tear down the same path. “I don’t want easy. Lord knows that’s the last word anyone would use to describe me. I just know I want you. Before I freaked out, we figured things out pretty well, and I have faith we can keep doing that. As long as we do it together, that’s all that matters.”
He slid his fingers into her hair. “I want you, too. Turns out you’re all I’ve ever wanted.”
A soft sigh left her throat and she pressed her forehead against his.
“Fuck’s sake, please say I can kiss you no—”
