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“Fine. I was just thinking about how much I’ve missed your smile.”
That’s it?
“Yeah.”
What’s weird about that? I miss it, too. I’ve got a great smile.
There it was again, that half grin, and the desire to close the distance between them and kiss it off his face was so strong she almost couldn’t stand it.
“Yeah,” she said, unable to speak anything but the truth. “You do.”
12
From: [email protected]
Subject: I don’t know
Claire,
Well.
I’m desperate.
You went to work and I’m bored out of my fucking mind and Noah won’t be here for another hour, so I’m trying my hand at your journaling suggestion. It still feels weird to write to no one so I’m writing to you, instead. Which only feels slightly less weird, but you said you never check this email so I figure you’ll never see it, anyway. It’ll probably just be a bunch of bullshit rambling but I’m not a fast typer so maybe by the time I’m done Noah will be here. Ooh, think maybe he’ll take me on a drive?
Now I get why Gertrude gets so excited about the car.
By the way, she seems restless today. I think she misses you. She wasn’t even like this after that family gave her up. Do you remember that? I rescued her from a burning house and the family had to move into an apartment with a no-pet rule. First, I don’t know how they could have ever given her up because she’s basically perfect. Second, Gertie didn’t even seem to miss them, so strike two in pet ownership.
My point is, if she’s looking for you, she likes you. Have you been petting her while I’ve been asleep?
Speaking of sleeping... I think you had a bad dream last night. You seemed restless but I didn’t want to wake you up. Or maybe it was a good dream, and maybe I was there...and we were doing stuff...
Anyway. Moving on. I just googled what to write about in a journal and here are the suggestions:
1. Inspirational quotes. That seems cliche, but I heard something once I try to live by:
“A ship is safe in the harbor,
but that’s not what ships are made for.”
I have no idea who said it. (Also, are you impressed with my formatting? I played around with it and went with italics and center alignment, and now I’m several seconds closer to Noah’s arrival and getting out of this fresh hell that is journaling.)
2. Self care. I thought that’s what the fuck I was doing?
3. Describe your current challenges. This one is pretty obvious, isn’t it? I hate being stuck at home. I hate being alone. I hate not having full use of my body. Strangely enough, I never realized how much I depend on my health and physical ability. Remind me never to take it for granted again. Also, remind me not to take you for granted again. You’ve been really good to me through this. I’ll make it up to you when I’m better, promise (dirty stuff, in case that wasn’t clear).
4. Write a time capsule memory. K, here goes: Hey, idiot—always anchor at the top when you’re tying a top rope. If you had, you and Claire would have hooked up by now. Several times, probably, because you’re that good.
5. Track the food you eat. Nope. Next.
6. Write a letter. HEY I’m doing that.
7. Write about things you want to let go of. Yeah, I don’t think I want to do that one, either. In fact, that’s probably enough for today. I’ll pull out arm hairs until Noah gets here.
Also, Gertie just pushed your pillow off the bed again. Maybe she still hates you.
