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“Sounds like I’ll like her.”
“You will.” I smiled at that. “She doesn’t know the truth about the Ascended, but I know she doesn’t agree with a lot of the practices, especially regarding the Rites, and even her position among them. She doesn’t understand why she’s Chosen, and I know…” I worked my neck from side to side. “I know that if she had a choice, she wouldn’t have picked the life of the Maiden.”
“You sure about that?”
“Positive.” I exhaled roughly. “And even though we still don’t know why she’s Chosen or what role she plays in the whole Ascension, it’s safe to assume it’s going to be some fucked-up shit.”
“No doubt.” He reached for the decanter and poured himself a drink. “What are you thinking?”
“I’m thinking she…she doesn’t deserve whatever the fuck they have planned for her. She deserves a chance to have a life,” I said.
“Well, if the plans haven’t changed, Cas,” he said, and my gaze shot to his. “Then what does all of that mean?”
“Nothing.” I laughed, but the sound was without humor. “It means nothing at the end of the day.”
Kieran shook his head. “You sure about that?”
Absolutely not. It meant that Poppy deserved a future, one that allowed her to live, but that wasn’t something I would involve Kieran in.
So, I lied. “Yes.”
THIS IS PROGRESS
I waited until the Duchess’s guard left the hall outside Poppy’s room before I approached her door.
Reaching for the handle, I stopped. I doubted I was interrupting anything. Poppy was likely sitting by the window. That was all she’d been doing since she left her chambers in the middle of the night to seek revenge.
Poppy had grown even quieter than usual, more withdrawn. The jut of her chin more stubborn. Not once since I’d seen her awake had she cried or had her eyes even looked glassy. At first, I thought that was good.
But now?
I didn’t think so.
The gods knew I was no expert when it came to dealing with one’s emotions—obviously—but she’d lost someone important to her. That pain didn’t go away simply upon waking.
Knocking on the door, I gave it a moment and then entered. Poppy was by the window as I expected, but as I stood there, taking in her tired eyes and paler-than-normal skin tone, something occurred to me.
She hadn’t donned that damn veil in the days since she woke.
Poppy’s eyes narrowed. “What?”
I crossed my arms. “Nothing.”
“Then why are you here?”
Her churlishness threatened to bring a smile to my face. One that would likely irritate her further. “Do I need a reason?”
“Yes.”
“I don’t.” I had a reason to be in her chambers this time; however, she was actually speaking instead of staring at me silently.
“Are you just checking to make sure I haven’t figured a way out of the room?”
“I know you can’t get out of this room, Princess.”
“Don’t call me that,” she snapped.
I fought a grin but welcomed the anger over the silence. “I’m going to take a second to remind myself that this is progress.”
Poppy frowned. “Progress with what?”
“With you,” I told her. “You’re not being very nice, but at least you’re talking. That’s progress.”
“I’m not being mean,” she shot back. “I just don’t like to be called that.”
“Uh-huh.”
“Whatever.” Poppy looked away, squirming a little on the stone ledge.
I watched her as she stared down at her hands, the tension seeping from her rigid shoulders. I quietly moved closer. She looked…I wasn’t sure. A little lost? Or maybe stuck between anger and grief. I knew that feeling.
“I get it,” I told her.
“You do?” Her brows rose. “You understand?”
“I’m sorry.”
“For what?” The coldness had faded from her voice.
“I said this to you before, shortly after everything, but I don’t think you heard me,” I said. “I should’ve said it again sooner. I’m sorry for everything that has happened. Vikter was a good man. Despite the last words we exchanged, I respected him.” I meant every word. “And I’m sorry that I couldn’t do anything.”
She stiffened. “Hawke—”
“I don’t know if me being there—like I should’ve been—would’ve changed the outcome,” I continued, “but I’m sorry that I wasn’t. That there was nothing I could do by the time I did get there. I’m sorry—”
“You have nothing to apologize for.” She rose, her hands falling to the skirt of her gown. “I don’t blame you for what happened. I’m not mad at you.”
“I know.” Part of me wished she was. I looked away from her, finding the Rise in the distance. “But that doesn’t change that I wish I would’ve done something that could’ve prevented this.”
“There are a lot of things I wish I would’ve done differently,” she shared. “If I’d gone to my room—”
“If you’d gone to your room, this still would’ve happened. Don’t put this on yourself.” I turned to her. She was staring at her hands. I placed my fingers beneath her chin, gently lifting her stare to mine. “You’re not to blame for this, Poppy. Not at all. If anything, I—” My heart lurched, and my throat dried. What had I been about to say? I drew in a shallow breath. “Don’t take on the blame that belongs to others. You understand?”
