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There had to be something.
I just needed time to think of a solution that wasn’t a half-baked impossibility.
A stray breeze caught a strand of hair. I pinched it, tucking it back. I didn’t have a lot of time, though. My gut clenched. Sooner rather than later, Poppy would learn the truth. She would know that I’d been lying to her, using her.
That I was no better than the Ascended.
I needed to come up with an exit plan for her before then, because once she learned that? Poppy wouldn’t trust anything I told her. She’d actively work against me.
She would hate me.
Hate herself.
I didn’t want to—
Cursing under my breath, I cut off that thought. I needed time. Not this. I eased my arm from around her, halting when she squirmed. The back of my neck prickled as I stared down at her, her left cheek exposed to me. The scarred one. What she’d said last night about how a potential Ascended would see her repeated itself in my mind.
If anyone didn’t see her for the beauty she was, then they were irrelevant.
Then again, most Ascended were fucking irrelevant.
Lifting the fur, I draped it over Poppy. I began to rise but stopped again. I fixed the blanket, pressing into the bedroll. Bending, I kissed the top of her head. Then I made myself get the hell up. Rising, I caught sight of Kieran. He stood near the cluster of blood trees, watching. Probably wondering what the fuck I’d been doing this whole time.
Turning, I grabbed the sack and pulled out my brush and paste. I quickly cleaned my teeth, having to make do with only a sip of water to wash out the grit. Then I traveled a bit deeper into the trees to relieve myself. When I returned, Kieran was still waiting, and Poppy still slept.
I joined him. “Sleep well?”
He arched a brow. “Not as good as you.”
I narrowed my eyes and shot him a look as I picked up his bedroll, folding it.
“And how often do you sleep that well?” Kieran asked.
I knew what he was getting at. “That was a first.” I hooked his bedroll to his pack. “A first in a very long time.”
Kieran was quiet as I stood. “She likes you.”
I frowned. “And what makes you think that?”
“Besides the fact that she let you do whatever it was you were doing under that blanket?”
I ignored that, carrying his sack to his horse.
“I noticed it before then.” Kieran followed as I dipped under a low-hanging branch. “Saw it as soon as you two were together.”
“You didn’t say shit about it last night.”
“No, I didn’t say it last night. Didn’t feel the need to say it.”
“And you feel the need now?”
“I do.” His jaw was hard.
Strapping the pack to the saddle, everything I was just thinking about came to the surface, which made what I had to say come out harshly. “Her liking me means I’ve gained her trust,” I bit out, wanting to fucking peel off my godsdamn skin. “That is part of the plan.”
“Last night was a part of the plan?” His eyes turned to chips of ice. “Just so you know, I really want to punch you. She’s a—”
“I know what she is, Kieran.”
“But do you know who you are?” His hand fisted.
I stiffened, taking a deep breath. “I do.”
He eyed me long and hard before exhaling.
“We need to be leaving soon.”
Nodding, I faced him. Time. I was running out of time. Squinting into the gloom, I tried to think of where I could possibly pick up a day or two before we reached New Haven. Obviously, the Blood Forest wasn’t ideal. That left only Three Rivers, but that was a potshot.
“We made it farther than I thought we would,” I stated, crossing my arms. “We should reach Three Rivers before nightfall.”
“We can’t stay there,” Kieran said, almost as if he somehow knew I was seeking to delay the inevitable. “You know that.”
“I know,” I repeated, frustrated. Lingering there would draw too much attention from the others who rode with us, requiring us to deal with them sooner rather than later. “If we break halfway to Three Rivers, we can ride through the night and make it to New Haven by morning.”
“You ready for that?” Kieran asked.
I met his stare. “Why wouldn’t I be?”
“You think I haven’t noticed what’s been going on?” His voice dropped to just above a whisper. “Really? That I’ve forgotten what we just spoke about? Her having feelings for you isn’t the only thing I’m worried about, Hawke.”
Irritation flared.
Sensing it, Kieran gave me a tight smile. “Remember what your task is.”
We’d wanted to knock each other on our asses many times in our lives, but I’d never wanted it more than I did right now.
“Remember your task,” he repeated.
“I haven’t forgotten for one second.” My tone hardened. “Not one.”
