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For years, everyone had wondered. Speculated and gossiped, and Cam and Reese had always let them wonder. So much so that it became a game.
“If I tell you, then I’m going to have to kill you.”
“Well, I’ll be dead, but I’ll know once and for all.”
“Fine. But it should be obvious since Cam is engaged.”
“Ahh, I see. Were you ever an item?”
“For about five minutes when I was sixteen.” They’d tried to date in their teens, around the time that Jennifer had been making her life hell, but by then they were too close, too much like family. It had never felt right.
“How about now? Any boyfriend?”
He was trying to hide his face behind a nacho covered in cheese and meat. Was he blushing?
“Don’t get me started. I just dumped my on-again, off-again boyfriend of three years. It was cathartic.”
“That bad?” he said, popping the nacho in his mouth.
“Let’s just say I was never a priority. He didn’t even come to see me win a gold medal.”
Grady blinked a few times. “Seriously?”
“Yup. Cam’s family was there, and they ‘re like the family I’ve always dreamed of having. And Daria was there.”
“That’s terrible. What about your parents?”
She grimaced. It felt so good to actually talk about this stuff. “Mom said something about her sciatica. Dad was there, showing up even after the divorce…anyway, it was the best moment of my life followed by the reality that the people closest to me couldn’t bother to see me win. In the case of Jordy—my ex—I chose to bring him into my life. I couldn’t pick my mother. And despite the person that she is, and the crappy influence she has been, I made something of my life.” She glanced over at him and saw the pity on his face. “Anyway, enough about that.”
“It’s okay to talk about it. Get it off your chest. I don’t mind.”
“It’s not something I think about a lot. I was in therapy for a long time, to help with my headspace, but it was then I learned that so much of my life has been shaped by my parents and their dysfunctional relationship. There was always so much tension, and I don’t know if that’s because my mom felt bad that she couldn’t have more kids or if they just couldn’t stand each other anymore. And maybe my dad fed into that, I don’t really know. Anyway, to compensate for not having any more kids, my mom replaced that with things. So many things. Which led to fights with my father. Do you know that as a kid, I couldn’t even have friends over? My mom wouldn’t allow it because the house was always such a mess. It’s probably why I had so few friends then. I still have no friends.”
Oh God.Had she said that last part out loud?
“I mean, I do havefriends,” she said, trying to cover up the admission. “But I don’t have tons of them. I have a hard time making them. You know what I’m saying, right?”
What she wasn’t saying was how difficult they were for her to make, and although outwardly she was bubbly and warm to people—that’s why they loved her—she was always worried they’d leave. So many people had exited her life, especially after skating became her whole world. One day her fellow hopefuls would be there, and the next day they would be gone: unable to keep up with the rigorous training, not good enough to keep their coach, or unable to pay for all the fees and expensive outfits. She couldn’t blame them for any of that.
So now, it was better to maintain relationships with people she could trust. Who would never leave. And essentially, that meant only Cam.
“Sure. Of course.”
She couldn’t ignore the subtle pitch to his voice. He didn’t understand. She knew his type. He was the kind of guy who had a million friends he could barely keep track of. Everyone wanted to hang out with him because he was fun. When he was growing up, every kid wanted to be at his birthday parties. He was the popular kid at school whose mom participated in every bake sale, who made costumes, and was a lunch monitor. He didn’t understand what it felt like to have old clothes that barely fit, or hair that was messy. She’d always been a shy kid until she laced on her skates. And as bitter as she was with her father, he always made sure her dues were paid and that she had the best outfits. It was the rest of her youth he didn’t understand.
“Let me guess, you were the most popular guy at school and all the girls loved you.”
“I mean, yes. But no.”
She reached across the table to pat his forearm. “It’s okay. Don’t feel bad about it. Life changed for me when I started skating. I put my everything into it. I learned how to relate to people, how to make them feel important. And I mean that from a genuine place, because I knew what it felt like to feel unimportant.”
“It sounds like your dad was a good influence.”
“He was. Until he left me with her.” She ran a shaky hand through her hair. “I don’t mean to dump on you. Let’s change the subject because I want to know more about this place you ordered the food from.”
They chatted some more, and talking to him felt right, felt real and comfortable. Did he get her and understand where she was coming from? She liked to think so, especially when he’d let pass the no-friends comment she’d made. He hadn’t embarrassed her or made her feel bad about it.
He’s a decent guy. Those do exist.
