AllFreeNovel
Share Us
He gave her a half smile. “August makes me think of September. And September is a bigger bummer than August.”
“I’m really baffled, so you better start explaining.”
He chuckled at that. “I didn’t always hate August and September. They used to be cool. It would be a time to go back to school and see all my friends, but then, as I got older, it wasn’t cool or fun anymore. Pressure started setting in. Unlike my two brilliant sisters, I wasn’t the smartest kid in the class. I really struggled with some subjects. I’m sure I had more than one teacher who could have failed me, and it began to stress me out.”
“I bet. That would cause anxiety, but you’re such a smart guy.”
“Not so much. Not like the rest of my family, so it’s a good thing I had hockey. Until it wasn’t. When I made junior, it meant leaving home, so not only was I a shitty student, I was leaving my comfort zone. I used to get so anxious, I’d throw up. It wasn’t until the end of September that I’d be able to get into the groove and set all the anxiety aside. I think that’s why I still get nervous. I have irrational thoughts about training camp and not making the team.”
Reese grasped on to his hand and squeezed it gently. “You are going to make the team. The papers say you are the second coming! Why are you even doubting that?”
“It’s the anxiety talking. Sometimes it’s hard to turn off those negative thoughts. Doubt sets in.”
She thought about what his mom had said. Did all this factor into game play?
“I don’t know how you feel about this, but have you considered talking to someone about these thoughts?”
“I am. To you right now,” he said with a mischievous smile.
“You know that’s not what I meant.”
“I know,” he said. “I did see a therapist when I was a teenager. It did help. My dad thought I should go on anxiety meds, but my mom was against it. I stayed out of the whole thing. But some of the guys…”
He stopped. Reese watched him intently, waiting for him to continue, but something was holding him back.
“Some of the guys what?”
“They find other ways to cope. And I don’t want to gossip.”
“You don’t have to tell me, but I can assure you I wouldn’t breathe a word to anyone. And I don’t even want you to tell me their names.”
He looked straight ahead, an almost vacant look in his eyes. “I never want to get that bad, you know? Where I’m taking drugs or drinking to cope. Some of those guys don’t even realize they are ruining their lives.”
“Is that something you’re worried about? That you may resort to that?”
“I don’t think so, but the pressure can be…smothering.”
“If this is something you ever want to talk about, call or text me anytime. I don’t care if it’s three in the morning. If anyone knows pressure, it’s me. I can relate to this. And if it makes you feel better, I’ve done therapy too. Especially after my dad left. I was so hurt and betrayed. There were times I contemplated quitting skating. But I had Cam, and he would talk me through it. I want you to know that I can be your shoulder to lean on. We all need and deserve someone like that.”
He sighed. “I’m supposed to be tough. Above this.”
“You’re human. And if people don’t like that, they can screw off. And know that anything we talk about will be in the strictest confidence.”
“I know that. I trust you.”
“Have you considered meditation?”
“Some of the guys do that,” he said.
“We can do it together. It’s amazing for stress.”
He placed an arm around her shoulder and pulled her in close. “This is the best relationship I’ve ever had. Fake or real.”
“Ditto, Radcliffe.”
“When this is all said and done, you promise we’re staying friends?”
“I’d have it no other way.”
