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ChapterTen
Luna
Ineeded a friend. So much had gone on, and not once had I thought to reach out, mostly because I was worried my friends were too busy for me. But what had happened with Blake was too much for me to deal with alone. I texted Jess a few times before she finally texted me back. Turned out my gossip reporter BFF was in Thailand, chasing some lead. Something about a celebrity couple—who were married, but not to each other—holidaying together. Jess was trying to land a scoop. I was so grateful that she wanted to hear what was going on, though.
Tell me everything.
And so I did. We finally connected the day of the race, and I spilled every last detail. This was the kind of story Jess would love to write about, but she knew she was on friend duty and this was all off the record.
Do you like him?
I stared at that text for a long time as I sat in the Perez motorhome. I’d found a quiet spot away from the noise, although I could hear the rumble of engines in the distance. I contemplated the text and my situation.
If things had been different and Devin and I weren’t dating, maybe I would like him.
Damn. You DO like him.
I didn’t say that!
I could always rely on Jess to be to the point. She was a right-between-the-eyes kind of friend.
If you love Devin, then stay away from this guy. BTW, he’s too old for you.
I’d decided against reaching out to Elizabeth, my other friend from my university days, because I knew she would hold me far more accountable than Jess would, and I wasn’t ready for that just yet. Besides, I would see her in a few weeks when we headed for the race in Montreal.
I tried Devin next, but I didn’t reach him until after Sunday’s race, which had been a disaster for Perez. Both cars had to retire with mechanical problems. Blake did great, though. Despite his underpowered car, he’d finished second. It was a testament to his driving talents. His disappointing car could get him through the streets of Monaco with ease, but he wasn’t so lucky in races with long flats.
I’d called Devin several times with no answer. When I did reach him, he sounded terrible, as if he’d been sleeping for three days. I quickly realized it wasn’t the sound kind of sleep—he was hungover.
I didn’t comment on his state. I thought it better to keep the conversation short.
“How are you doing?” I asked.
“Good. You?”
“Good too. Are you back in Milan?”
“Yup. Keeping it all low-key.”
“That’s great.”
“Are you coming back here?”
“I’m thinking of going to see my little sister.”
“Oh. Good.”
This all felt phony. I missed what we had but didn’t know how to get back there. The minute he asked me about the weather, I knew it was time to wind down the call and try again later.
So I returned to Cortese to spend some time with my family. It was too soon to go back to Milan where Devin had returned for a few days of testing. I was still feeling enormous guilt about the kiss I’d shared with Blake. I could never tell Devin. Suddenly he wasn’t the only one with secrets to keep.
The first day in Cortese, I took my little sister, Catia, to the beach. The product of my mother’s second marriage, she was thirteen years younger than me, but we adored each other. I found it relaxing to be on my own for a while, while Catia played with friends she’d met up with. I sat back on a lawn chair and read a book, trying not to think about Devin. Or Blake. I must have read the same page twenty times as my mind raced in all directions.
When we returned to the house a few hours later, I felt relaxed—or as relaxed as I could be. I was feeling nostalgic. Maybe spending time with carefree Cat made me think of my own childhood. I went into my mother’s library and pulled out old photo albums. I loved to look at photos of Mom and Dad. Mom rarely looked at them anymore, and sometimes if felt as though my father had been relegated to a distant memory, but that was how she dealt with things.
“It’s not easy, is it?” Rosa said, entering the library. Once my nanny, and now Catia’s caretaker, Rosa was as close to us as any other family member.
I was looking at the album with my baby photos. Dad had a big smile on his face in every picture.
