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“I’ll go get your mother and Tony,” she said, clapping her hands in joy.
I wandered over to the television. The race in Spain was set to begin at any moment. I hated having to watch it on television. There was no freedom to walk about, to see different vantage points. I couldn’t talk things over with Carlos. I had only the TV and whatever angles the camera crews shot. And it sucked.
The cars were setting up on the grid, Devin in seventh position, Rafe in twelfth. I sat at the edge of my seat as the race began. I was at the mercy of the cameraman, and I found the whole thing frustrating. Tony and Mom came in but didn’t interrupt me. I could tell they were pleased I was awake and engaged. They even cheered and jeered at the television with me. The old Luna had returned, or at least so it seemed to them.
* * *
I pulled my keys from my pocket, but the door swung open before I could unlock it. Devin was standing there, motionless, just staring at me.
“Is it okay that I’m back?” I asked in a small voice. He took one step toward me and hugged me tightly. I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed his unshaven face repeatedly. I held on to him, unwilling to let him go. Tears were streaming down my cheeks, and I knew I loved him so much it ached. He lifted me into his arms and carried me into the house. I felt him kick the door closed behind us.
I barely registered that we were in the bedroom. We made love without exchanging any words. It was slow and deliberate, and I wanted to remember every single moment. The way his rough hands gently explored every inch of my body, the way his lips felt as they kissed my breasts, then my stomach. Chills went up my spine as his bristled cheeks brushed up against my skin. I yearned for him. I’d missed the familiar feeling of his body next to mine, on top of me. I missed his breath on my neck and the way he felt inside of me. Most of all, I missed staring into his eyes and knowing he wanted me just as much as I wanted him.
After, we lay spooned together, his arm firmly around my waist, his face nuzzled against my neck. I would remember this moment forever.
But eventually I had to break the silence. “There is something I have to tell you,” I said.
I could feel his body tense. What was he bracing himself for?
“Okay,” he said after a second. “But are you sure now is the right time to talk?”
“Yes. I want to say this. To get it all out there.”
I turned now, so that we were facing each other. He watched me as if I were about to tell him someone had died. Then it dawned on me. Did he think I was going to break up with him? After one last romp in the sack?
“When I was in Cortese, I looked at some pictures of my dad. From just before he died. It startled me …” I stopped. No, it had done a lot more than that. “It scared me and did other things I can’t describe. I freaked out, maybe like a panic attack on steroids. That’s why I fell off the radar for a few days. I was dealing with that.”
Devin slowly nodded as if waiting for more. “Rafe mentioned it. But you’re okay now?”
I deflated. News traveled fast, and I hoped that Rafe hadn’t told the whole world. “Yes. And I know this sounds odd, but I think I’m stronger for it. Almost as though I needed to see it, so I could move forward. Like I’d somehow been holding on to some fear of … of really living. Does that make sense?”
“I think so.”
“Good. Then starting today, let’s ignore all the haters. Let’s not look back. I want to be happy and free.”
He blinked a few times, as if unconvinced, but I could see him coming around. “Sure, okay. No looking back, then. Just me and you.”
“The way it should be.”
This was exactly what I needed. I wanted to forget the past, the fights, the insults, the nervous breakdown, and, most importantly, Blake Carlton.
ChapterTwelve
Luna
The next stop was Montreal. I’d persuaded Devin to go with me a few days early. He was reluctant at first, but I’d managed to persuade him.
“Think of it this way. You’ll get over jet lag before everyone else.”
That was true, but really, I wanted to show him the city I loved so much, where I’d lived for four years while going to university. He knew Jess already, but he hadn’t met our other university friend, Elizabeth. I wanted him to see the life I’d once lived. I’d lived in a triplex with Elizabeth and her grandmother. My apartment had been tiny, only two rooms. Meanwhile, Jess lived in Westmount with her mother in a lavish house overlooking the city, and I wondered if Devin would be surprised to see that difference. I had such fond memories of our apartment, but that gap between our circumstances and Jess’s had caused tensions. As much as I loved Jess, her snobbery had led to a rift between her and Elizabeth that still existed. I’d always been the peacemaker as the two of them griped. Eventually, it got exhausting.
To be fair, I had my own nemesis in Montreal—Elizabeth’s very spoiled little sister. For some reason, I always found myself in competition with her, and I didn’t know why. Sure, I was competitive, but she brought out a mean streak in me. Fortunately, she was away with her fiancé on some getaway so we wouldn’t run into her. Lucky for me.
Devin fell asleep on the plane, hunched over with his head resting on my shoulder. His arms were crossed against his chest and he looked uncomfortable, but I didn’t wake him. Eventually, he shifted, leaning against the wall. His thick hair had molded itself to his face. I would have to tell him to fix it before we disembarked. I wanted him to look handsome when Elizabeth saw him. Unlike Jess, nothing about Elizabeth was pretentious, but I still wanted to make her proud.
I was reading a London newspaper when Devin awoke a few hours later.
“Do you want to join the mile high club?” he asked, yawning.
