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“Come on, Jess, be serious. This conversation isn’t very easy for me.” I didn’t have a large circle of friends to discuss sex with. “You know that he’s my first. And I worry that he’s not satisfied, based on his previous partners.”
“I understand,” Jess said with a giggle. “Let’s talk over lunch because this isn’t the best place for a discussion like that.”
We found a little café. Jess sipped her mineral water while I dug into the scone I’d ordered.
“What makes you think Devin isn’t satisfied?” Jess asked.
“I don’t know. I’m just speculating. I have no evidence. I love him, and I don’t want to lose him because he thinks I’m boring in bed.”
“But he hasn’t complained?”
“No.”
“Then don’t worry about it.”
She was so frustrating. “But we don’t discuss sex, so how do I know if I’m interesting enough?”
Jess leaned in a little closer. “Is he not able to finish?”
“That’s not a problem.”
“Then you have no problem.”
She was beyond frustrating. “I want to spice things up. Are you getting it now?”
“Okay, okay. Why don’t you tie him up or something? Sex in a public place? Something out of your comfort zone.”
I grimaced. “He likes to be in control, so I don’t think he’ll let me tie him up.”
“Let him tie you up,” Jess said with a mischievous smile.
“It’s a thought …” But was it something I wanted? I wasn’t sure. I was always in learning and discovery mode with Devin, and that’s why I wondered if he was a little bored.
Jess leaned in even closer and pushed her drink to the side. “Ask him what he wants.”
“I couldn’t do that!” I said, horrified. “We don’t talk about it. It just happens.”
“Have you given him a blow job?”
“Oh, Jess.” She was killing me with this conversation, but it dawned on me what little experience I had. None of this should have embarrassed me, but it did.
“Do you want my help or not? You have to be honest with me.”
She was right. “No, I haven’t, and he hasn’t asked me to.” I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. “Jess, he’s very attentive, if you know what I mean. He’s really into gratifying me, and I’m not complaining because I think it’s great, and I don’t want it to stop, but isn’t there some sort of give and take?”
Jess was shaking her head. “You don’t know how lucky you are. He’s giving it to you, and he doesn’t want it in return? That’s every woman’s dream.”
“It just makes me wonder if he’s getting it from ...” I stopped.
I could see recognition dawning on her face. “Somewhere else?” Jess finished.
“Did I say that out loud?”
“No, I did.”
“If you were me, what would you do?”
“Are you really that concerned?”
