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I groaned and shook my head. I didn’t want to tell Rafe about it, but I was stuck now. “He got a woman pregnant a few years ago, I think. It sounds like he pressured her to end the pregnancy,” I said with shame. “At the very least, he told her he’d have nothing to do with her and the baby.”
“What does that have to do with you?”
I was taken aback. “It’s a terrible thing, right?” Now I was questioning everything. But then I had to remember that my brother was a man, and how many men cared what women wanted? I wasn’t sure Rafe cared at all what Eva wanted. “What’s wrong with you? You should be the first one roasting him.”
“Don’t misinterpret what I am saying. Yes, it’s unsavory, but Flynn isn’t you or me. Maybe he had a good reason. If he didn’t want to be with this woman, why should they have a child together?”
“But he’s so callous about it. He couldn’t care less.”
“And you shouldn’t care either. I’m going to tell you something I’m probably going to regret. You know I don’t like Flynn, and I certainly don’t trust him, but Luna, I see the way you are when you’re with him. Your face brightens; your spirits are high because he manages to fulfill something in you that was missing. And I’ve never seen you happier. I don’t know if you realize this, but before you met him, it was as if you were carrying some invisible weight, like you didn’t even know what fun was. You were … sad. Like your light was missing. Now, even when he makes you bitterly angry, that darkness around you is still gone. I can’t figure out what it is, and as angry as you are with him, I know you don’t want him to walk out of your life.”
I breathed in deeply. I was amazed my brother had actually noticed me before Devin Flynn, let alone after him. I’d always thought of myself as nothing more than an annoyance to him, my presence a necessary consequence of having me as one of the team’s investors. But suddenly he felt like the big brother I had so dearly wanted my entire life.
“Do you mind sharing your room tonight?” I asked with a small smile. “I don’t snore.”
“I don’t think I have a choice,” he said, returning the smile. “Besides, Mom would kill me if I kicked you out.”
I crawled into the large bed and stared up at the ceiling. Rafe reclined beside me and clicked off the bedside lamp. “Rafe, what was Dad like?” I asked in the darkness.
He, too, was staring up at the ceiling, his arms crossed behind his head. “Why do you ask?”
“Mom says Devin reminds her of Dad. Maybe that’s why I have this attraction to him.”
Rafe didn’t answer for a long time. “No, Flynn isn’t like Dad. Not even a little.”
“So what was Dad like?” I asked, turning onto my side and staring at my brother’s profile. Rafe and I had the same small, pointy noise, like our father. “I know I should remember more, but sometimes the memories are a haze.”
“I don’t know the way he was with his friends and other drivers, but when it came to me, he was nothing like Flynn. I remember he used to sit me in the cars and let me drive. I couldn’t have been more than four or five. I loved it at first, because he would help me be a better driver. But then this dark side of him emerged. He wanted more from me than I could give. He pushed me so hard I used to hate going to the track with him. I remember one time I was driving a cart car, and I accidentally spun it off the track. He yelled at me in front of all the other kids and their dads. I thought I had disappointed him, and I went home and cried in my room all night. At first I hated him, but Uncle Roberto took me aside one day and told me a long story about how much Dad loved us and that he wanted us both to be successful. He wanted to make sure we weren’t weak-hearted or thought we could go through life without hard work. After that I had a certain respect for Dad; he wasn’t the scary and intimidating figure he once had been. And then he died. I’m glad I made peace with my feelings for him before he passed.”
“What about me? Was he different with me? Because I don’t remember that kind of hardness.”
Rafe chuckled. “Completely. You were his favorite, his baby. He used to call you ‘princess’ and you would blow each other kisses. He would carry you on his shoulders so everyone could see his darling little girl. He only took you to a few races, but when he did, you were always front and center. And you loved to kiss him; it was odd. You were always hugging and kissing him and rubbing your face against his cheek. I don’t know where you got that from. When you were around, there was always a smile on Dad’s face, and when Dad was around, you were interested in only him.”
“Why don’t I remember any of this?”
“You were young. And when you got older, you started to outgrow these things. There are things I don’t remember, and I was thirteen.”
“What was it like at the hospital?” I asked.
He thought for a moment. “It was confusing because I didn’t really understand what was happening, and nobody was telling me anything.”
“What was it like when you saw him?”
“I didn’t see him,” Rafe said, looking at me. “Only Mom went into the room.”
Oh.I’d always assumed that Rafe got to say goodbye to Dad. “I thought you did too.”
“They wouldn’t let me in. I think that was probably a blessing. I got the impression from Uncle Roberto that Dad was in pretty bad shape. I don’t think I would have wanted to remember him that way.”
“Mom was all alone when Dad died?” I felt a tug at my heart.
“I think Uncle Roberto was with her and Michael Riedl.”
I pushed away thoughts of my dying father. I’d already had a long night. “What would he think of Devin?”
“He would hate him. He would probably have had him killed,” Rafe said, and I could see his smile in the darkness. “You definitely wouldn’t be allowed to spend the night with him, that’s for certain. Our lives would have been different, though. The Perez team would be in better shape if Dad were running it, and I don’t think you would be here. He’d probably have you locked up in some convent.”
“I know you try to look out for me. I appreciate that, Rafe.”
